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The Obligation to Write About the Super Bowl

I’ve been getting a lot of messages recently, telling me that I need to write an article about the Super Bowl. They tell me that all good Americans will be watching the Super Bowl today, and I just can’t talk about the news without talking about the Super Bowl. Hmm.

What’s so important? Well, one group of guys from different parts of the country have been hired to play ball with shirts that declare them to be somehow from New England, will hurl themselves against another group of guys from different cities around the country who have been hired to play ball with shirts that declare them to be somehow from Philadelphia. It’s about regional pride and loyalty, someone explained to me.

The one group of guys who are paid to say they’re from New England are the predicted winners of the ball game, but we should all watch television tonight just to make sure that this happens, or just in case it doesn’t happen, because that would be, um… really important.

The guys who are paid to say that they’re from Philadelphia are predicted to lose, but we ought to root for them, because they are, as huge men who have bulked their bodies up through years of steroid use and doing very little but working out in gyms, being paid salaries that could easily keep at least ten families in comfort in most parts of the world, are, um… underdogs. See, we ought to root for, um… the little guy.

The really interesting thing, I’m told, is that almost exactly the same thing happens every year, and every year it makes a big difference in people’s lives because after the game, it’s, um… later than it was before. Oh, and people drink beer.

I’m so excited that I could eat granola – without raisins.

But, all right, if it’s my national duty to write an article about the Super Bowl, I will. So, fine. I have. Here it is: My obligatory Super Bowl article.

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