Dear God, Where is That Can of T-Rex-BGone When You Need It?
My in-laws live in Chillicothe, a town in southern Ohio, and the next time I go for a visit I’ll just have to dip a bit south to visit Petersburg, Kentucky’s brand spanking new Creation Museum. Curator Ken Ham promises that this Creation Museum will contain just loads of scientific evidence that proves the veracity of fundamentalist Christian creationism. Keep in mind as you read below that this is a guy who is in the mainstream of fundamentalist Christian creationism. Ham’s radio show, “Answers … with Ken Ham,” is broadcast on over 700 radio stations across the nation. The Right and Righteous Reverend Jerry Falwell exults about Ham’s efforts that “When that museum is finished, it’s going to be Cincinnati’s No. 1 tourist attraction. It’s going to be a mini-Disney World!”
Among the “facts” Mr. Ham purports to prove:
- “Not even one instance of evolution has ever been confirmed.”
- The Grand Canyon was formed in days or weeks by a really, really, really big flood.
- Dinosaurs are “missionary lizards”, put on Earth to help spread the word of fundamentalist Christianity.
- A pair of Tyrannosaurus Rex dinosaurs were on Noah’s ark.
- Dinosaurs survived to the time of Jesus.
Ham says these things all must be true, because they directly follow from what the Bible says. And, after all, “if you can’t trust the Bible on biology, geology and astronomy, how can you trust it on morality and salvation?”
A very good question. Oh, yes indeedy.
Some more good questions: if all the land on the Earth was flooded and just for a few weeks, how did it manage to differentially erode just one spot of land? How did Noah keep a hungry T-rex away from those tasty hippos? With a can of T-Rex-BGone? Did Jesus turn the other cheek as a boy when velociraptors dropped by Nazareth for a snack? And how would a “missionary” T-rex make the sign of the cross in the correct proportions with those itsy bitsy little hands? Maybe the duck-billed dinosaurs pitched in on that one. But we just don’t know! All I can say is I’m really looking forward to visiting this Creation Museum and being learned a thing or two.
Thank you, Ken Ham, for showing the true face of fundamentalist Christian creationism! We all appreciate it.