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Dear God, Where is That Can of T-Rex-BGone When You Need It?

My in-laws live in Chillicothe, a town in southern Ohio, and the next time I go for a visit I’ll just have to dip a bit south to visit Petersburg, Kentucky’s brand spanking new Creation Museum. Curator Ken Ham promises that this Creation Museum will contain just loads of scientific evidence that proves the veracity of fundamentalist Christian creationism. Keep in mind as you read below that this is a guy who is in the mainstream of fundamentalist Christian creationism. Ham’s radio show, “Answers … with Ken Ham,” is broadcast on over 700 radio stations across the nation. The Right and Righteous Reverend Jerry Falwell exults about Ham’s efforts that “When that museum is finished, it’s going to be Cincinnati’s No. 1 tourist attraction. It’s going to be a mini-Disney World!”

Among the “facts” Mr. Ham purports to prove:

Ham says these things all must be true, because they directly follow from what the Bible says. And, after all, “if you can’t trust the Bible on biology, geology and astronomy, how can you trust it on morality and salvation?”

A very good question. Oh, yes indeedy.

Some more good questions: if all the land on the Earth was flooded and just for a few weeks, how did it manage to differentially erode just one spot of land? How did Noah keep a hungry T-rex away from those tasty hippos? With a can of T-Rex-BGone? Did Jesus turn the other cheek as a boy when velociraptors dropped by Nazareth for a snack? And how would a “missionary” T-rex make the sign of the cross in the correct proportions with those itsy bitsy little hands? Maybe the duck-billed dinosaurs pitched in on that one. But we just don’t know! All I can say is I’m really looking forward to visiting this Creation Museum and being learned a thing or two.

Thank you, Ken Ham, for showing the true face of fundamentalist Christian creationism! We all appreciate it.

5 thoughts on “Dear God, Where is That Can of T-Rex-BGone When You Need It?”

  1. tom says:

    What’s even more amazing is the suspension of belief the museum goers will have to attain to accept the message! Typical conversation between a fundamentalist and a “normal” person:
    N: So, if the Bible says it, it must be right (whether my interpretation is correct or not is of no consequence). And, for example, all of the universe evolved in 6 days?
    F: Yup.
    N: And all this so-called scientific evidence is just human mistakes compounded over time? F:Yup.
    N: No, wait – so mathematics has no place, it’s all about belief in this glorified mythology?
    F: Yes, sir… i do believe.

  2. HareTrinity says:

    Funny the Bible never mentions Jesus’ pet stegosaurus.

    And how dragons were used to portray the devil and other demons.

    Not to be too crude, but what a load of bullshit this lot intend to prove.

  3. mike says:

    Nothing too crude about it, HareTrinity…Fundamentalism is rampant in any system of beliefs. I’m reminded of a joke…seems the Anglicans, the Baptists, and the Pentecostals all had a revival that went on for a week. At the conclusion, the Baptist preacher proclaimed, “This Revival was a success…We picked up 10 new souls, Praise God!”
    The Pentecostal (Holy Roller, to the uninitiated)Preacher, not to be outdone, proclaimed,”Yes and we saved 12 souls, praise GOD!!!”
    The Anglican Clergyman quietly replied,”Yes… and we got rid of 22 troublemakers, Praise God…” so you see it all depends upon your point of view…some people, I’m sure still believe that the world is flat, and the moon is made of green cheese…Doesn’t make ’em stupid… just wrong. It really gets dicey when we got one as President, unfortunately…

  4. sscout says:

    I just hope those erm, ‘peculiar’ forms of worship don’t end up making entire generations of atheists in the future, but of course that may not be something to worry about since in a few years Israel will be ‘liberated’ of muslims, all jews in the holy land will mass-convert and the second coming will be that same year.

    Then again even if all those things are accomplished the second coming may not happen, but not to worry!, surely there will be another bush in the white house by then who isn’t scared of starting WWIII to call the ‘attention’ of the higher powers who will surely notice starting WWIII means we’re all mature enough ^.^

    p.s. the ‘mainstream’ fundamentalist christians believe all that about Israel, many of them voted Bush a second time for that sole reason

    p.s.s. If some christian out there reads these, remember: It’s YOUR responsibility to keep the fundamentalists away from the little button that starts WWIII 😛

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