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Inscrutable Love Mail on SpongeBob and the Homosexual Agenda

This evening, we received a piece of rather inscrutable love mail from an individual self-named “aristocrat”:

Hah,im a christian,and i love god. And JESUS DOES LOVE US YOU STUPID ATHESIST.
So whats so wrong with saying something thats true? Love and happiness are nothing like spongebob. Lay on a couch,with your head craned upside down watching spongebob, and what do you see?

Well, gee, “aristocrat,” I can’t say I really know. So let’s humor you and give it a try:

spongebob squarepants upside down

What, an antenna-head? Really broad shoulders? A fat butt? Um, oh, wait. Oh, dearie. I see it. Yes, I can see how someone with a relatively small phallus-to-ball-size ratio would find that to be representative of something or other. Or rather, one something and two others. You know, a ding dong and two ho-hos!

Say, you’ve given me an idea, “aristocrat.” Let’s try it with another prominent TV presence:

George Bush upside down

Man, he’s got a stiffie! Clearly, these images of our “president” sent out by the White House must be removed from the airwaves. He hides it very well, but it’s clear that George W. Bush has been secretly promoting the homosexual agenda to those fine red-blooded Americans like “aristocrat” who watch their TV with their head hanging off the couch.

But really now, I should be fair. The insidious Bush upside-down phallus message our president has been sending us can’t be that dangerous. Even with that stiffie, and even compared to SpongeBob, George’s member is pretty puny. You know, that would explain a whole lot of the past five years.

15 thoughts on “Inscrutable Love Mail on SpongeBob and the Homosexual Agenda”

  1. HareTrinity says:

    Okay, I thought I saw it, but then I looked again and… I’m not sure. Really, someone enlighten me. Where exactly are we supposed to see the hidden image on the Spongebob one?

    And if it’s where I think it is, can someone, ANYONE, find me an image that’s SUPPOSED to be of that piece of the human anatomy that looks remotely like that? Thanks.

  2. HareTrinity says:

    Okay, had it marked out… I still find it hard to see. It’s hardly all that convincing, especially since we’ve all seen vegetables accidentally more suggestive than that. Even crossed fingers look more like a sexually suggestive adult (who disappears above the waist) than that looks like genitalia.

    I know that was mostly your point, but the mind boggles as to how Aristocrat or anyone being serious could have possibly spotted it.

  3. Sarge says:

    When I was but a boy, my sister and I found out we could drive our parents into fantods by simply saying “Humpty Dumpty” in a certain tone of voice. I STILL don’t know why, but it sure got up their noses. We were forbidden to say those words in that way on pain of a thumping. So we did it sparingly but tellingly. Made sure we had a book of children’s rhymes handy as an excuse. I think that things like Sponge Bob and accompanying controversy have more to do with the objecter than the observed phenomenon.

  4. Jim says:

    Hey, sweetie, what do you think about a little of the ol’ “Humpty Dumpty” tonight? 😉

    Yeah, that could work!

  5. Sarge says:

    Jim, there I was, eight or nine years old and I had an original line and didn’t even know it. Well, I was slow as a child and I’m told I’m no great shakes now. Oh, well….

  6. Mike says:

    I…Seee…What we have here is probably the same schmucks who told us to listen to the Beatles'”I am the Walrus” played backwards and listen to the hidden message. I remember a guy with more stereo equipment than good sense who did exactly that and all he heard was “Surlaw eht ma I”..He was quite disappointed. I told him he needed one more component: A functional brain.

  7. aristocrat says:

    Lke ,blasphemis atheist.

  8. aristocrat says:

    like I said,blasphemis atheist.

  9. Francine says:

    You can’t blaspheme something that you don’t believe in, aristocrat.

  10. HareTrinity says:

    And you never said that to our knowledge? You said “stupid”, not “blasphemous” (which I expect you mean by “blasphemis”). Please don’t confuse the two.

  11. aninformer says:

    there is some actual evidence that spongebob’s creators did imply the “sacred feminine” into the show. mostly it has to do with freud psychology and infantile sexuality, but to my knowledge, there is no overt images representing sex.

  12. Gringot says:

    Oh, enough with the DaVinci Code, already!

  13. aristocrat says:

    I would just like to say I posed that when I was 10 and that it was literally the stupidest thing I have ever done. Sorry!

    1. Bill says:

      Consider yourself blessed. There are some things I did in public when I was 10 that I’d love to be able to take back. But (thank God) there was no internet around then to permanently memorialize my brain farts.

      I think it’s really pretty touching that you came back almost a decade later to apologize. Go in peace.

    2. Jim Cook says:

      No worries!

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