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Waiting for Damnation: He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands, But He’s Been Biding His Time…

Good afternoon, fellow travellers along Sacrilege Lane. If you were following the news two months ago, you’ll probably remember that a bunch of Kabbalah adherents rained condemnation down on Madonna for her latest song because she used the name Yitzhak Luria in it. According to these bold religious prognosticators, those who use the semi-divine name of Yitzhak Luria for profit will receive punishment from the heavens. They expressed sorrow that poor Madonna would be the recipient of Heavenly woe in retribution for her sin.

Boy, that’s a doozy of a story, isn’t it? It would be a great opening scene for a movie; maybe a romantic comedy in which Madonna plays a singing cop who’s thrown together with a curmudgeonly new rabbi partner. Together, they find love while escaping falling meteorites and dodging gang-bangers’ bullets. But will it last?

Maybe there’d be a good opera in it, too. Kind of like the Wagnerian Ring Cycle, maybe. Cursed heroes and tainted heroines, with a smithy to boot! Oh, the tarnation of the infernally damned! Yeoh-ho-tooo-ah!

Yes, this tale of Kabbalah adherents makes for good fiction. But is it reality? The Kabbalists certainly claim so. If you’re going to start claiming that this sort of thing is real, really really real, really and truly, and if you start telling other people to change their ways because you believe your tall tale is really, really real, then the veracity of your beliefs become fair game for examination. As a means of examining the truth of the mystical claims of Luria’s followers, I’ve offered myself up as a test case, opening up a shop selling items with the name of Yitzhak Luria on it, then declaring that I intended to make a profit from selling those items. By so doing, I’ve satisfied the conditions, and I should have received my divine retribution – right?

Well, I’ve been waiting for retribution.. and waiting, and waiting. No punishment from the heavens so far. I’m still doing just fine, waiting…

…and waiting

…and waiting for that divine retribution.

Could happen any minute now! You know, when I least expect it. I’ll keep you informed.

One thought on “Waiting for Damnation: He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands, But He’s Been Biding His Time…”

  1. The Animist says:

    He’s got the whole world in his hands.

    Unfortunately, he’s been masturbating the entire time.

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