God is Warning Pat Robertson. Will Pat Robertson Listen?
Conservative fundamentalist Christian leader Pat Robertson has the mouth of God whispering hot and heavy in his ear. Robertson knows when God is sleeping, he knows when God’s awake. He knows God knows when you’ve been bad, and he can predict the path of God’s horrid hand of retribution.
We know that Robertson recently spoke of Ariel Sharon’s stroke as divine retribution for Israeli mollycoddling of Palestinians. And from the Reverend we also know of God’s fondness for using weather as a divine instrument. As Pat Robertson said on June 8, 1998 regarding God’s punishment of Orlando for hosting a “Gay Days” celebration:
“We better respond according to what the Bible says. The Apostle Paul made it abundantly clear in the Book of Romans that the acceptance of homosexuality is the last step in the decline of Gentile civilization. Whenever a civilization begins lesbianism and homosexuality as a widespread practice, that says, quote –and I’m quoting the Apostle Paul now, so when you’re writing your editorials Mr. Editors, please remember who you’re quoting — he said ‘wherefore God gave them up.’ And that’s to degrading passions. Now that is the word of the Bible… But if a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation, if it will bring about terrorist bombs, if it will bring about earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor, it isn’t necessarily something we ought to open our arms to. And I would warn Orlando that you’re right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don’t think I’d be waving those flags in God’s face if I were you.”
Finally, we know that Pat Robertson took as a sign of his theological rectitude his ability in the 1980s to convince God to steer hurricanes away from Virginia Beach, where his 700 Club is headquartered.
Where am I heading with all this? Perhaps it would be better to ask, where is God headed with all this? If Pat Robertson is right and the fall of a hurricane over a community serves as an indication of the sinful behavior of members of that community, what can we infer about the righteousness of Pat Robertson himself? Let’s look at the hurricane history of Virginia Beach (where Robertson maintains headquarters for his 700 Club) over just the past ten years:
1996: Hurricane Bertha passes overhead, knocking out power to over 100,000 residents, kicking off four subsidiary tornadoes and causing millions in damage.
1998: Hurricane Bonnie slams into Virginia Beach, knocking out power to over 300,000 residents, flooding streets, knocking down trees, and again causing multimillion-dollar damage.
1999: Hurricane Floyd hits Virginia Beach, closing over 300 roads, causing multimillion-dollar damage, power outages and, yet again, uprooted trees.
2003 and 2005 saw Hurricanes Charley and Isabel drench Virginia Beach to boot. It looks to me like God is giving Pat Robertson a warning. Stop your evil ways, Pat! What is it? Are you a closet ho-mo-sexual? Secret reading of the first amendment? Did you sip a latte? Turn back, O Man! Repent thy foolish ways! The 2006 Hurricane Season is Nigh!