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Irregular Caption: What is Senator Biden Saying?

It’s been a long week, what with the Alito confirmation hearings and all that playing on NPR all day, every day. It’s important stuff, don’t get me wrong, but sometimes the drama is lacking. Also, if you listened to the hearings on the radio, as I did, there was a sense of mystery about what the people in that Senate chamber were really doing. So, try as I may, I can’t force myself to write seriously on the subject this morning.

what is senator Biden sayingNow, for those of you who saw the hearings on TV (or for those of you with a sense of imagination), now comes the chance for you to fill in the blank. This photograph is of Senator Joseph Biden, who has been one of the Democrats asking questions of Samuel Alito this week.

This photograph comes from Senator Biden’s own web site, but nowhere there can I find information about what exactly Senator Biden was saying when this picture was taken. So, take a look at the picture, and tell us what you think. What is Biden saying in this picture?

Here are a few possibilities I can imagine:

1. “Well, to play a theremin, you don’t strum any strings or push any valves. You don’t touch it at all. You just move your hands like this, and you make creepy music, like when Vincent Price was on TV.”
2. “My son used to be a volunteer fireman, and he told me that one of the things that they teach you when you’re a fireman is that you never go down the pole with just one hand. You have to use two hands like this, see?”
3. “You’ll notice how my eyebrows go up at the ends, like a Vulcan’s, this morning. Well, that’s because, while preparing for this Sunday morning talk show, the makeup lady you have backstage here didn’t understand my directions. She said, ‘Do you want to have some makeup to help your eyebrows look more bushy?’ I said ‘Sure. How about this much.’ But she thought I meant this much.”

Any other suggestions?

13 thoughts on “Irregular Caption: What is Senator Biden Saying?”

  1. Jim says:

    “So I said, ‘Antonin, I know you’re a Supreme Court Justice and all, but you’re a short guy and pretty hairy to boot. How did you snag such a beautiful wife?’ Scalia didn’t say anything back. He just raised his eyebrows, smirked, and put his hands like this. ‘Nuff said.”

  2. Carlo says:

    “Look, Mr. Abramoff, it’s not hard. If you want to massage my ego, you do it like this.”

  3. John Stracke says:

    Klingon, not Vulcan.

  4. John Stracke says:

    “Wow, I didn’t expect that much sound out of an invisible Alpenhorn!”

  5. John Stracke says:

    “Would you like some freshly ground pepper on your salad, Mr. Abramoff?”

    “Hey, where’d the eel go?”

    “See, this is a lousy golf stance!”

  6. J. Clifford says:

    Two hands have I.



    They can wave goodbye.



    … With a nod to Mr. Looper from Sesame Street.

    Hooper! I mean Mr. Hooper!

  7. Scott says:

    If you peel a banana from this end, then it still leaves you with a handle to hold it with.

  8. John Stracke says:

    “See, Darth Maul holds his lightsaber in the middle, like this, and swings it around. It looks dangerous, but, really, it’s sort of like fighting with a pike—you never want to hit yourself with the pike, either, after all. …why are you looking at me like that?”

  9. Jim says:

    “…but this bong wasn’t shaped like a vase. It was more like a… is this microphone on?”

  10. Kevin says:

    “… and as sure as I sit here, living, breathing, and talking to you, I can say, without any doubt as to my opinion and observation on the subject hitherto, and without hesitation that I am certain, meaning I have absolutely no reservations as to the conclusion of my statement to follow, that the skin flute is not, despite what one may or may not have heard, seen, or otherwise noted, a recognized instrument…”

  11. Jim says:

    “See, this here is my Bonnie, and this here is the ocean. My Bonnie lies over the ocean.”

  12. Carlo says:

    Hey, Macarena!

  13. Junga says:

    My doctor said, “Joe, you’ve just got to get better sleep. Have you considered counting sheep as they jump over a fence?”

    So, I gave it a shot, but it didn’t work. I watched the sheep jumping over the fence for a minute, but then a lawyer walked into the picture and stopped the sheep, and said, “Hey, that’s dangerous! Someone could clip a hoof on that fence and hurt themselves. It’s a legal liability.”

    From then on, all I could see were sheep waiting in line to be picked up in groups of 8 by an automatic lifting device that took them over the fence in an ergonomically correct fashion.

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