Mother Davis gets off the telephone with Mikhail Gorbachev just in time to write,
Every now and then, I like to take a little trip into Red State America, to see how the other half thinks. It’s always an amusing experience for me, kind of like visiting an ideological theme park with Tilt-A-Whirl loops of rhetoric, with unexpected turns of logic that produce cheap little thrills.
So it was that, yesterday, I wandered on over to a Republican web site that sells anti-liberal t-shirts. Like most Republican web sites (remember Right Wing Stuff?), this one had a boring, unimaginative name: Those Shirts. It’s called Those Shirts because it sells, shirts, see?
I hate to let a little unoriginality in language deter me, though, because I find that if I spend even just a little time in Republican territory, things get interesting pretty quickly. At Those Shirts, I was rewarded very quickly, with the t-shirt design that you see right here: Re-defeat Communism 2008, it reads, with a slash across a picture of Senator Hillary Clinton.
I’m not making this up. The Republicans apparently still believe that they are the brave ones, fighting the Cold War against the impending communist threat that we liberals are just to starry-eyed to see. Communism needs defeating, apparently, and to defeat communism, the Republicans say, we need to defeat Hillary Clinton.
Well, is it true? Is Hillary Clinton a communist? I need to know, because we here at Irregular Times have our very own little capitalist shop of Hillary Clinton t-shirts. I wanted to be sure that we are not inadvertently advocating Bolshevist ideology, so, I took a look at some of Senator Clinton’s recent votes to try to measure the extent of her allegiance with the American Communist Campaign Committee for Evil.
Last year, Senator Clinton supported a filibuster of the most extreme aspects of the Patriot Act, in order to try to stop the government from spying on American citizens. In the communist Soviet Union, you see, the government was not allowed to spy against its citizens, and that was what was wrong with the Soviet Union.
Senator Clinton voted in favor of legislation to create a commission to investigate instances of torture by the U.S. government, and voted against a Republican bill that tried to take habeas corpus rights away from people taken prisoner by the American government. The communist Viet Cong, you see, were always trying to stop torture of prisoners from taking place, and that’s why we had to fight against them in Vietnam. Dirty, rotten, torture-hating commmies!
Hillary Clinton also voted for legislation that would have made it illegal for the government to use public funds to create propaganda. For me, this is the clincher. Fidel Castro, one of the world’s last communist leaders, is always going around refusing to allow his government from engaging in acts of propaganda. That anti-propaganda stand by communist Cuba is one of the reasons that we need to keep our embargo of Cuba in effect. How can the people of Cuba ever become free if they can’t read government propaganda?
By gum, the Republicans are right! I want to sincerely, without any sarcasm at all, thank the right-thinking people over at Those Shirts for helping to educate me about the new communist threat coming from the office of Senator Hillary Redham Clinton! Why, if we don’t stop these Clinton commies, soon, we’ll all be living in a country without any propaganda, torture or government spying against peaceful citizens!
And to think – I was just moments away from becoming a communist dupe.
Putting down her sickle and star,