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Secret Plans to Take Over the World Across the Blogosphere

Is the grand age of the conspiracy theory dying? With so many real conspiracies enacted by the Bush White House, can the pretend conspiracies no longer compete?

I don’t know the answer for sure, but I do know this: There are now very few secret plans plans to take over the world.

Inspired by Peregrin Wood’s article yesterday about the sad world of Technorati searches these days, I decided to make a visit to Technorati myself today. I see that the top searches are pretty much the same as they were yesterday, with the Sopranos, the SXSW music festival, and the ever-mysterious Bukit Batok still in the top 5 searches, but Clay Aiken now taking the number one spot. What, winning America Idol wasn’t enough for him? Oi.

Well, I wanted to dig deeper than Peregrin did. Peregrin saw what everyone sees – the most popular side of the web. I wanted to see the underside. I wanted to discover a secret plan to take over the world.

So, that’s what I searched for: “secret plan to take over the world”. My computer hummed, and I waited eagerly to find the schemes of the new Illuminati. I was disappointed.

The last time that someone wrote a blog entry about a secret plan to take over the world was 24 days ago, referring to Canada’s secret plan to take over the world, discovered at the headquarters for the Canadian World Domination conspiracy to impose a “polite, yet horrifically brutal, control of our future territories of conquest”.

Before, that, 85 days ago, someone revealed Paul Graham’s secret plan to take over the world using a distributed Google with a Y Combinator. Well, that’s cool, but does Paul Graham have a disintegration ray pistol?

125 days ago, a blog called Mac Beach revealed Apple’s secret plan to take over the world by purposefully allowing bootleg copies of its brilliant operating system X, specifically, the version X86. I have always said that, in order for a secret plan to take over the world to be really credible, it has to have the letter X somewhere in its code name. So, stay tuned for developments in this story.

126 days ago, Investigate Magazine uncovered a secret plan to take over the world hatched by the United Nations, which wants to take over the Internet with a “licensing system” and then “turn it over to a bunch of hacks and dictators.” Could this licensing system be the mark of the beast that the Book of Revelations talked about? Well, no. But, that doesn’t mean that it isn’t part of some maniacal plot.

Finally, 174 days ago, Technorati points me to an epic battle between two vegans, each of whom are trying to concoct a secret plan to take over the world with some really good food. Here’s the important disclaimer: No animals were harmed during these secret plans to take over the world. You’ll never look at breakfast potatoes with tempeh in the same way again.

3 thoughts on “Secret Plans to Take Over the World Across the Blogosphere”

  1. Layla says:

    That was absolutely hilarious. Of course, even paranoids have real enemies. How I miss Pinky and the Brain.

  2. Rowan says:

    Hey, you found us out. How surprised was I to follow your link and find…myself! I’ll have to tell Running2Ks. She’ll be quite amused. I know that I sure am.

  3. John says:

    I used to live in Bukit Batok. It was searched in technocrati as a home video featuring rather intimate scenery was made by two amorous students that reside in Bukit Batok, a town in Singapore. News travels fast in Singapore so technocrati would have been inundated by hundreds of thousands of hits.

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