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Ron Bunyan: The New Buddha?

So my neighbor Ron Bunyan sat down underneath a poplar tree last Saturday after mowing the lawn. I noticed him first as he seemed to just relax and sip on a lemonade. But after a few hours, he put the lemonade down, crossed his legs and folded his arms, and … just stayed there. His wife Blue asked me to go fetch him inside for dinner, but he wouldn’t budge. For the longest time, he wouldn’t even look at me. And then, sighing deeply, he turned to me and spoke:

Ron Bunyan Meditates under a Lamp on a Desk.  Is he the New Buddha?“Not now, Jim. I’m seeking enlightenment. I’ll be meditating now for a time…”

…and with that, Ron turned his gaze back to the horizon. Since then, Ron hasn’t had a drop to eat or drink, he hasn’t gone to the bathroom. He’s just been meditating 24 hours a day since Saturday. Blue told me he was just sulking, but then he started to develop this sheen, a simplified look you might say, a … glow of sorts. And he started to shrink. By Monday he was down to four feet, By this morning he had slimmed down to a mere 3 inches, at which point the shrinking stopped. But still he did not move an inch. He just kept meditating, this serene look upon his face. Still nothing to eat or drink, and still he did not move.

Well, to keep him more comfortable and to avoid the onslaught of passersby, onlookers, well-wishers and starlings, we’ve moved him to a spot underneath my office lamp. I think the wood is made of poplar, maybe. At any rate, through the whole ordeal since this past Saturday ol’ Ron Bunyan has just sat there, unmoving, in serene meditation.

I hear that the Buddha started out this way, without the plasticene glow and shrinking to a three-inch height I mean, but you know that makes it all even more extraordinary in a way. How can science explain this? This is beyond science, beyond our modern society’s “logical” explanations. They just can’t explain how Ron Bunyan has managed this feat.

I’m not saying, I’m just asking questions, but it all leads me to wonder:

Is Ron Bunyan destined to be the New Buddha?

I’ll keep you posted.

10 thoughts on “Ron Bunyan: The New Buddha?”

  1. James says:

    Judging from his color and that look on his face, I’d say maybe he’s smokin more weed than he’s let on so far.


  2. Jim says:

    Why are you such a religious hater, James? Why can’t you just let Ron Bunyan be? And what do you mean, his color? Are you a racist? You clearly don’t understand what’s going on here.

  3. J. Clifford says:

    Yeah, James! How come you’re not open minded enough to not attack Ron Bunyan at the first sign of weakness?

    I’d like to note that you are on the record now as saying that Ron Bunyan is a drug abusing con man. So now PROVE to me that he is. GO on. You find me one source on the Internet where there’s evidence that Ron Bunyan is a drug abuser!

  4. Jim says:

    jclifford, he won’t do so because he can’t. He CAN’T.

    I don’t understand why James and people like him can’t support people like Ron Bunyan who are just on a spiritual path, why they always have to go poking their little critical noses in where they don’t belong.

  5. Rimpoche says:

    Poor Ron Bunyan! Poor Ron!

    Why can’t people just leave him ALONE so that he can go on receiving international Buddhist pilgimages and selling commemorative items in peace! Think of his family, please, and stop asking questions!

  6. James says:

    I’m just sharing a bit of parody here in relation to your little man.
    In parody you don’t take things literally, or you’ll spoil it – and it will be
    misinterpreted………..which is what has happened to you here. You’re just getting stuck
    in your own puddle of quicksand, from which you need to try and grab onto readers to get
    yourself out of it, and them out of it, and you back to meaningful discussion. Good luck.
    Keep mucking around in your stuff, see if it helps.


  7. Jim says:

    Why are you expressing such hatred toward Ron Bunyan? You don’t even know him, and you won’t believe his story! Why are you so mired in your own skepticism that you won’t see the truth?

    I don’t think you have an open mind, James.

  8. Alan says:

    My money is on this yellow guy and not the imposter with the white belt. What we are witnessing here is the emergence of an atheist prophet. It’s no less than a miracle, so dig deep, brothers and sisters.

    We haven’t seen the myth, ritual, and doctrine engendered by this religious experience yet. Is there a Tantric experience involved? Will Ron tell his followers to kill someone?

  9. HareTrinity says:

    James; reread what you last put, no?

  10. Mackers says:

    Jim your fantasy art work of Ron Bunyan is not pretty much good it should be seated under the Maple tree,that idea you create is representing your funny personality,shallow level of consciousness. I think that’s a no no idea. Im not impress. I drop you to comeback to kindergarten level.

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