Underwear to Be Banned on Airplanes
When a man attempted to blow up an airplane using matches and explosives hidden in his shoes, matches were banned on commercial flights. Ever since, shoes have had to come off to go through the security scanning machine.
Now that terrorists have been caught plotting to use chemicals in liquids, gels and creams to create lethal explosions on airplanes, passengers are banned from bringing drinks or any other liquids on board airplanes. Things like toothpaste and lipstick are also forbidden.
This morning, another terrorist plot was discovered in Alberta, Canada. A terrorist cell from that province had devised a way to incorporate explosives in elastic. So, passengers are now being required to hand over all items that include elastic elements to Homeland Security agents before boarding an airplane. Bungee cords and rubber bands are obviously banned, as are those hair scrunchies that little girls like to put into their hair. Items of clothing that include elastic material are also to be banned, most notably sweatpants and underwear.
“We understand that it will be difficult for many people to travel without any underwear,” an administrator with the Department of Homeland Security said, on condition of anonymity. “But, we’re talking about defending the Homeland from evildoers, and sacrifices must be made. Americans need to decide. What do you really want: You underwear or your life?”