Enter your email address to subscribe to Irregular Times and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 370 other subscribers

Irregular Times Newsletters

Click here to subscribe to any or all of our six topical e-mail newsletters:
  1. Social Movement Actions,
  2. Credulity and Faith,
  3. Election News,
  4. This Week in Congress,
  5. Tech Dispatch and
  6. our latest Political Stickers and Such

Contact Us

We can be contacted via retorts@irregulartimes.com

Why the disabled razors in checked bags?

Yet another example of the work of the Department of Homeland Insanity: Crippled razors in checked luggage

When I put a disposable razor in my carry-on luggage, there’s no problem. The bag goes through the security screening machine, and, because the razors are about as harmless as dental floss, nobody takes them out. I go onto the airplane, and when I get off and go to my hotel, I can get a clean shave.

Not so if I check my bags, and I have started to check my bags, because I want to be able to brush my teeth in the morning. The Department of Homeland Insanity regards my travel-sized tube of toothpaste as a terrorist threat, and so I can only bring toothpaste with me on my business trips if I check my bags. If I check my luggage instead of carrying it on the plane, then agents from the Department of Homeland Insanity open up my bags, search through everything, and slice through handle of my razors just underneath the razor head, so as to render them harmless — from the cargo hold.

I wake up the next morning to find that, in the best case scenario, I have to try to shave with a ravor that has a floppy handle – a difficult and often bloody affair, given that razors work by being pulled through stiff stubble. More often than not, the disposable razor has been broken in two, as baggage handlers toss my bag about, fracturing the cut already made by the Homeland Insanity agents.

So, here’s my choice: Wake up for my first morning of a business trip either with bad breath or with a face full of stubble.

Thanks, Homeland Insanity, for keeping America safe from toothpaste and safety razors, and making me either smell or look like a hobo in the process!

6 comments to Why the disabled razors in checked bags?

Leave a Reply

  

  

  

You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>