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Discrimination! Ben Stein Hates Freedom, Won’t Give Me His Money

America is not America without freedom. And that includes freedom to have my ideas aired. Men and women died so that I could have my ideas aired. And yet, in today’s society, discrimination lurks, like a giant bad lurking thing. I have been discriminated against, you see, because some people have not given me the resources I need to have my ideas aired. I know my ideas are great, because absolutely none of the great scientific thinkers of the last Millennium have spoken out against me and my ideas. Not Isaac Newton. Not Galileo. Not Einstein. Yet some people stand in the way of letting my ideas freely flow into the brains of everybody in the United States. Some people refuse to lend me a hand to spread my ideas. Ben Stein won’t give me his money.

A ginormous part of freedom is freedom of inquiry. Yes, freedom of inquiry is basic to human advancement. There would be no modern medicine, no antibiotics, no Tootsie Rolls, no air conditioning, no Chia Pets, no highways, no fornication whatsoever without freedom of inquiry. I have some questions I want to ask. I want to ask everybody in the nation why Ben Stein won’t give me his money. But Ben Stein stands in my way by not funding my quest, by not giving me a special grant for the purpose. Ben Stein stands in the way of free inquiry. What does he have do hide, I ask? Why must he cower in the dark so? Why is Ben Stein so unwilling to have my question aired in public? He must know, deep down inside his tum tum, that he is wrong and I am right. Ben Stein must know I deserve his money. Otherwise, why would he stymie my free inquiry?

Under a new anti-anti-Ben Stein dogmatism, scientists and educators are not allowed to even think thoughts that involve asking for money from Ben Stein. Do you realize that Ben Stein would not allow a someone who merely believed in the possibility of getting his money to actually receive his money, EVEN IF HE NEVER MENTIONED Ben Stein’s money directly to Ben Stein’s face? It’s true. It happened to me. I have not even asked Ben Stein for his money, and yet he has not given it to me. EVEN FOR MY VERY THOUGHTS, I HAVE BEEN BANNED!

In today’s world, at least in America, if Einstein or Newton or Galileo wanted Ben Stein’s money would probably not be allowed to receive it. Mostly, this is because they are dead. But it is also because Ben Stein would not give them his money. We know this is true because HE HAS NOT. Einstein and Newton and Galileo have been EXPELLED!

I have been silenced. I cannot even mention to a prime-time NBC audience the possibility that –as Newton or Galileo believed– getting money is a good thing. If I had a job, I could be fired! If I were an academic, I could lose tenure! I could have my source of money cut off without ceremony, without so much as a white-glove farewell party with nice china. This can happen. It has happened. Ben Stein has failed to give me his money, restricting my freedom of expression.

America is not America without my freedom to have Ben Stein fund my expression of ideas he finds nutty. Why does Ben Stein hate freedom?

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