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Life Near Military Bases Goes Fuzzy

“Hey – how do you get to the laundromat near the military base? My dryer’s busted.”

“Let’s look at Google Maps and see. It looks like you head down Main Street, take a left on Elm, merge onto Walnut, and then, um, you look around a while until you find the laundromat. It’s gotten all fuzzy.”

“Oh, right. Google Maps has censored all the maps of all the streets that are near American military bases. There must have been a pretty bad terrorist attack against a military base to justify that.”

“Was there? The Pentagon got hit by an airplane on September 11, 2001, but they didn’t use side streets near the Pentagon for that attack. In fact, I don’t know of any terrorist attack in the United States that could have been foiled if the terrorist attacker didn’t know the local streets right next to a military base.”

“Don’t be too sure. How could you forget the infamous Times Square military recruitment center bombing last week?”

“Oh yeah. They broke the glass on a window.”

“And a door. Serious stuff. That guy was on a bicycle. You know why?”

“No. Why?”

“Because Al Quaida now knows that we’re checking the airplanes, and aren’t doing security checks against bicycles. It’s a huge gap in Homeland Security that must be closed at once. The thing about a bicycle, though, is that it’s useless if you don’t know the streets.”

irregular times writer“Are you suggesting that the military censor all maps that show the streets around Times Square?”

“There, and near all other military recruitment centers. There is a demonstrated terrorist threat, isn’t there? It could happen again. Do you want the blood on your hands?”

“Homeland Security depends upon Americans not knowing how to get where they’re going?”

“You are being called upon to support your Homeland. If you aren’t lost, you don’t support the troops.”

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