Enter your email address to subscribe to Irregular Times and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 191 other subscribers

Irregular Times Newsletters

Click here to subscribe to any or all of our six topical e-mail newsletters:
  1. Social Movement Actions,
  2. Credulity and Faith,
  3. Election News,
  4. This Week in Congress,
  5. Tech Dispatch and
  6. our latest Political Stickers and Such

Contact Us

We can be contacted via retorts@irregulartimes.com

Hard Candy Theology

14 year old Jessica Perry of Jacksonville, Florida has seen the image of Jesus in a piece of hard candy:

Holy Hard Candy containing the image of Jesus

The young, enterprising believer wants to sell the candy on eBay. Praise be! But hey, look what I saw this morning on my kitchen counter:

Holy Life Saver!  A Hard Candy with the image of an O in it.

Yea, the Lord in his Almighty Providence has giveneth me this fine day a candy of hardness. But what message is in this candy? If you look very, very closely I think you can see the letter “O.” In fact, the harder you look, the more clearly the letter “O” resolves itself. Do you think it is mere chance that God has given me this particular holy hard candy on the day of the Pennsylvania primary? No! God does not roll dice! And it is no coincidence that I am the person to have seen this hard candy, I, a blogger of American presidential politics. The O clearly is meant to tell me, his chosen blogging messenger, to tell you, his chosen yet indirect audience, to vote for Barack Obama, the only presidential candidate whose name begins with the letter O.

And Looky Be: the hard candy is green! Clearly the Lord wishes us all a happy Earth Day. How could it be otherwise?

Let us proclaim the mystery of sugary faith.

3 comments to Hard Candy Theology

  • No, no, no! You’ve got it all wrong! That piece of candy doesn’t show Jesus. It shows Jupiter, as in the planet Jupiter, which was named after the god Jupiter, also known as Zeus.

    Clearly, that candy was intended to tell us that Jupiter is the god we should all worship, not this candy-assed Christian stuff.

  • Yes, and sell all your stuff to me on Ebay for 1 penny.

    Don’t disobey the Buddha Life Saver!

  • Mark

    Have you compared the candy with the painting by Edward Munch: “The Scream”?? I can clearly see the hand beside the face, an eye, and the open mouth.

Leave a Reply