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Darkly Amusing Hyperbole Against Obama

Yesterday, I wrote an article with the goal of helping Republicans release the poison of anti-Obama hatred from their veins, engaging in a cathartic release so that they could then begin the task of reacquainting themselves with reality. I imagined the worst that the Republicans could say about Barack Obama: Barack Obama Exposed As A Muslim Giraffe From France Whose Secret Brother Is A Stockbroker for Satan!

I was trying to be outrageous, to go so far that even Republicans would recognize how bizarre their anti-Obama rhetoric has become. It turns out, however, that the Republicans were already ahead of me, imagining scenarios just as outrageous as the fantasy I had cooked up.

Take, for example, W.B.B. Johnson, who says that if Barack Obama is elected President, “we revert back into the dark ages and slavery, dictatorship’s and rule. If you won’t stand up and fight now…before they sink their teeth in for the final time…we ALL LOSE!”

What in the world is W.B.B. Johnson talking about? Why does he think that Barack Obama as President would bring about slavery and dictatorship, when Barack Obama has actually spoken out strongly against both?

The answers are not easy to find, given the convoluted nature of W.B.B. Johnson’s conspiracy theories. However, the answer seems to come back to the Bible. Instead of evaluating Barack Obama according to what Barack Obama actually says and does, W.B.B. starts his political analysis from a much more ancient source: The Christian Bible.

W.B.B. Johnson looks first and fundamentally at the words of the Bible, assuming them to be literally true, and seeks guidance in understanding today’s presidential campaign from those words, even though they are almost two thousand years out of date.

So, in W.B.B. Johnson’s mind, whatever the Bible suggests about Barack Obama’s character must be true, even if that is contradicted by everything that Barack Obama actually says and does. Given the plain fact that the Bible never mentions Barack Obama, there’s a wide opening for creative interpretation, and W.B.B. does indeed get quite creative.

His conclusion is that Barack Obama will bring about biblical prophecies of Armageddon if elected President. How will Barack Obama bring about a satanic one world government that will spark the End Times? W.B.B. explains, “The governments of the world are doing in concert, that which only individual kingdom’s had tried in years past. RULE the world and ALL of the people in it! Why do you think they want a hybrid that won’t be patriotic in office?”

Yes, you read that right. W.B.B. calls Barack Obama a “hybrid”. A hybrid, of course, is the result of interbreeding between two species – as when a horse and a donkey create a mule.

What W.B.B. Johnson means to suggest is that Europeans and Africans are not just people of different ethnicities, but actually are two separate species. W.B.B. believes that a “hybrid” like Barack Obama is somehow more likely to lead Satan into power over all the world than purebloods.

So, racism, libertarianism and bizarre religious prophecies all get tied together into a single psychological Gordian Knot that W.B.B. and his ilk cannot break free from once it begins to wind its way around their minds. No facts or logic is needed to support this conception of Barack Obama as the ultimate evil – only fear is necessary, and the fear of Barack Obama seems to support itself.

One thought on “Darkly Amusing Hyperbole Against Obama”

  1. Phil says:

    I’m sorry but i think you’ve got one of your facts wrong;
    It is now generally accepted that Obama belongs to a species of long necked gazelle – Though due to their markings and religious position they are often mistaken for Muslim giraffes.
    Not bad though but I’m pretty sure the republicans think up a better theory. Maybe “Obama linked with Dog snatching aliens”. I heard he loves dogs… who knows y’know what im saying bro? hand me another one of those smokes I’m starting to realize how nutty these claims are…. ahhh thats better – Go Republicans!! Obamas a bad christian satanist thingumy!! Vote republican!!

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