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The Bible is Under Assault?

“The Bible Is Under Assault!” screams an unsolicited e-mail sent to us by the conservative publication Human Events.

“The Bible Is Under Assault!”? What does that mean?

According to Human Events, “The Bible is Under Assault!” because “mockers and skeptics” “ridicule” the Bible. Yep, that’s what they mean when they say that “The Bible is Under Assault!”

More specifically, according to Human Events “critics say the Bible is full of fables masquerading as history, and that it has regularly incited people to violence and immorality.” Why, that’s crazy! Nuts! Unless you believe that whales swallow people whole, and sticks turn into snakes. And unless you actually compare verifiable history to the Bible’s claims about history. And unless you ignore the Bible’s stories of divinely sanctioned child sacrifice and genocide and slavery and rape.

In fact, it is so clear that the Bible actually is full of fables masquerading as history, and it is so clear that the Bible contains divine incitements to violence and immorality, that I cannot take Human Events‘ complaint seriously. I just don’t believe they actually meant what they wrote. A typo simply must have slipped in there. What did Human Events really mean to refer to?

The Bible, Under a Salt

The Bible Under a Salt?

The Bible Under Asphalt

The Bible Under Asphalt?

Scoff if you must, but either of these interpretations makes more sense than to say that accurately describing the Bible is an “Assault.”

3 thoughts on “The Bible is Under Assault?”

  1. Sam says:

    OH NO! I should behave like those that practice the religion of peace and go blow up something in protest of the desicration of my holy bible!

  2. hendrixbot says:

    Don’t worry Sam, your uncle of the same name is already on it.

  3. sam says:

    Good….that’s how it needs to be….

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Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?