Happy Terrorist Publicity Day, everybody! Today is September 11, the day that, every year, Americans look down in the mouth, but on the inside feel a special spark of joy knowing that their conspicuous public displays of mourning, whether they knew anybody who died on September 11, 2001 or not, send the message to Osama Bin Laden and his growing team of evildoers that they have made a difference.
Yes, the mainstream media does its part, to be sure, broadcasting messages all around the world showing Al Quaeda that just one terrorist attack has the power to warp the American consciousness for years afterwards. But you have a role to play in Terrorist Publicity Day too! It’s up to you to go into your place of work and give the terrorists some publicity yourself.
Say, So, today is September 11. If only that Bill of Rights hadn’t gotten in the way, America might not have had to change forever!”
Or lead a prayer, in which you intone, “Our Father in Heaven, we know that you want to reach down and rip out the heart of Osama Bin Laden through his mouth, and we’re still waiting for that, but in the meantime, help us all live in fear and submission to the power of Bin Laden. We pray this in Jesus’s name. Amen.”
Or, you can just stand at the window, and sigh loudly so that everyone can hear you, and say, “When will these terrorist attacks on American soil ever end? When will we ever feel safe again? Somewhere out there, there’s a bomb. I just know it.”
The choice of words is up to you. The point is that you participate in this most important national holiday. It is your patriotic duty to let the terrorists know that they did an effective job of bringing you under their power. Remember – today isn’t about you. It’s about them, the terrorists. Spread the word.