The 79 Point Crisis
The financial crisis continues! Today, the Dow Jones Industrials Average has plunged an entire 79 points! Augh! Panic now! Do whatever George W. Bush says! Give giant tax cuts to the rich plus a welfare handout to corporations or we are all doomed!
Update: The Dow Jones is now down by 70 points, suggesting that the crisis is deepening! No, don’t think! Just give the 700 billion dollars away now, before it’s too late!
Oh, the humanity!
Extra Worried Update! The crisis is spiraling out of control! Stocks are now down by 22 points! We’re all ruined! Eat your seed potatoes, everyone!