America’s wealthy feel bite of financial crisis, reads the headline of an article by Reuters. I feel so much for them. Their wealth is gone, and now they will have to spend their retirement living just like the rest of us, instead of continuing to profit from the labor of others.
Hold on a minute. I’ve got to go get a hanky… Okay, I’m better now.
I want to give some comfort to the poor, afflicted wealthy. Never forget that you’ll be able to keep a lot of the great toys you’ve bought yourself over the last few years – you know, the things you got just because you deserve it. You’ll be able to keep most of your car collection, and the airchambers in which they rest. Sure, you may not be able to keep all of the seven houses you own, but you can consolidate most of your things in the remaining houses.
Above all else, you’ll be able to keep your electronic hypnotic jellyfish aquarium – bought from Hammacher Schlemmer for just $69.95.
While others worry about how to put food on the table, you’ll be worrying about whether to put your hypnotic jellyfish aquarium on the table next to the voice activated grocery list organizer, or up on the counter, next to your countertop beer cooler and tap.
You poor, poor, wealthy person you. Don’t worry. The pain will ease with the passage of time.