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The Poor Wealthy

America’s wealthy feel bite of financial crisis, reads the headline of an article by Reuters. I feel so much for them. Their wealth is gone, and now they will have to spend their retirement living just like the rest of us, instead of continuing to profit from the labor of others.

Hold on a minute. I’ve got to go get a hanky… Okay, I’m better now.

I want to give some comfort to the poor, afflicted wealthy. Never forget that you’ll be able to keep a lot of the great toys you’ve bought yourself over the last few years – you know, the things you got just because you deserve it. You’ll be able to keep most of your car collection, and the airchambers in which they rest. Sure, you may not be able to keep all of the seven houses you own, but you can consolidate most of your things in the remaining houses.

silly toy for rich people from hammacher schlemmerAbove all else, you’ll be able to keep your electronic hypnotic jellyfish aquarium – bought from Hammacher Schlemmer for just $69.95.

While others worry about how to put food on the table, you’ll be worrying about whether to put your hypnotic jellyfish aquarium on the table next to the voice activated grocery list organizer, or up on the counter, next to your countertop beer cooler and tap.

You poor, poor, wealthy person you. Don’t worry. The pain will ease with the passage of time.

5 comments to The Poor Wealthy

  • Anonymous

    Your prejudice against “the wealthy” does not give you the right to take their money like Obama is a Robin Hood! Robin Hood was still a criminal! The wealthy are the Only Ones who pay our wages and you are cutting your own throats by being greedy and criminal, trying to take their money by government force, they already pay the majority of the taxes. Here is an idea, why don’t you take John Kerry’s Money, or senator Kennedy who hides his money…

  • Jim

    How ridiculous, Anonymous. You think we should sincerely pity the rich for worrying about paying for their next voice-activated grocery list organizer? How very out of touch.

    And no, sweetums. The wealthy are not “the Only Ones who pay our wages.” I earn my own money as a businessman. Many other small business proprietors are not wealthy. Many Americans are employed by local, state and federal government, which is funded by a broad range of Americans.

    Take off your blinders.

  • Elle

    You know, if the wealthy did pay the majority of the taxes, then maybe we wouldn’t have ten trillion dollars worth of debt.

    If you changed your sentence in by adding the word Lawyers after tax, then maybe you would be closer to the masrk. The wealthy actually spend so much money trying to get out of paying taxes, that they probably would get off cheaper just paying them.

    And as far as the wealthy paying our salaries, well, maybe in a round about way, if your job is making the type of luxury goods they buy, but most likely, not. Even when someone works for a corporation that is run by someone who is wealthy, it is the corporation that pays the wage, not the rich person. I think if you look back through the history of the past several years, you can find many instances where those rich people actually bankrupted the companies they were running, then walked away richer and leaving the poor workers with nothing. Or have you never heard the term “golden parachute”.

    The rich are as much a parasite on society as were the aristocrats of old. Their greed and avarice are one of the main reasons the economy has tanked. Wealth without worth is what they created, riches created out of paper and promises, rather than sweat and toil.

  • HareTrinity

    And the “trickle down” theory still makes it sound like they piss on everyone else.

  • Fruktata

    Anonymous, we workers pay to create the government that creates the infrastructure that enables the wealthy to get wealthy.

    No wealthy person pays my wages.

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