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Anagram Voting: Frothy Non-Information for the Undecided

We’re a week out from the 2008 presidential election, and those Americans who feel they need new information regarding the presidential candidates in order to make up their minds either haven’t been paying attention as two years’ worth of campaign reporting flowed over their heads or don’t regard legislative records, platforms, debates and speeches as relevant. For those voters, what is there left to do but make something up? OK, then: let’s make something up!

Undecided voters, as you head to the polls, there is nothing more important to consider than how a candidate might behave in the presidency. Who would “President Barack Obama” be? What would “President John McCain” do? I could look into tea leaves to find the answer, but I hate scrubbing that nasty residue off the bottom of my mug. I could divine the answer from turtle bones, but as a city dweller I just don’t have a turtle handy. And really, who wants to combine an egg yolk with the blood of a chicken? Not me! When they come up with some form of food-based divination that involves chocolate, perhaps I’ll make a go of it. Until then, I’ll stick to foretelling the future on the basis of anagrams.

What kind of president would Barack Obama be? Rearranging the phrase “President Barack Obama” leads us to this:

A smocked pet barbarian
A crimp: broken database!
A mascara-printed kebob
Adamant biceps, a broker
Armada, ebb; opt a snicker
Trek. I bombard. Panacea?
I, er, stabbed Panama. Rock!
Bedpan Era. Mortis! Aback?
Beatnik’s camper, abroad
Bait a bad emperor. Snack.
I romped Satan bareback!

What kind of president would John McCain be? Rearranging the phrase “President John McCain” leads us to this:

Chance Djinn imposter
I, [inject monarch], spend
I amend John’s precinct
I, John, end Mecca sprint
Cancer? It impends, John
Inner John? Mad sceptic!
Inject macho spin, nerd

Draw your own inappropriate conclusions.

One thought on “Anagram Voting: Frothy Non-Information for the Undecided”

  1. Leona Raisin says:

    Did you ever try anagrams and TV? And did you ever try to hum odes?

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