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Take Pascal's Wager: Send Me a Spatula (Video)

Are you familar with Pascal’s Wager?

You know, it’s that classic argument for bringing one’s body and pocketbook to a church: it’s best to worship God because the cost of doing so is relatively low even if God doesn’t exist, but if God does exist and you don’t worship him, then the cost of eternal damnation would be extremely high.

Well, I tell you what. I can offer you an easier path to salvation, one that doesn’t involve Hosannas or that pesky tithe to keep the church leadership in style. God told me all He wants you to do is send me a spatula. That’s right: all you have to do to attain eternal salvation is send me a spatula (see enclosed video for salvation’s address). Should you do it? Work it out, Pascal-style! If I’m NOT telling the truth and you send me a spatula, then hey, all you’ve lost is a spatula. If I AM telling the truth and you DON’T send me a spatula, then boy, are you in for eternal hellfire or what?

Hint: it’s not “what”. As a matter of fact, God got very specific with me. Not only would he send you to H-E-Double-Toothpicks for not sending me a spatula, but he would also mess with your 401K plan. Yes, sinners, He in all His Glory promised that I did not receive a spatula in the mail, He would drop the Dow Jones Industrial Average down below 8,000 points in the month of February 2009. Will this come to pass? It’s up to you! Send me a spatula, or your retirement fund suffers!

The choice is clear! Send me your spatula today, for the sake of your soul and your account balance.

5 thoughts on “Take Pascal's Wager: Send Me a Spatula (Video)”

  1. Rob says:

    Suppose I don’t send actually you a spatula… but I believe with all of my heart that sending you that spatula is the right thing to do. Isn’t that possibly even better than just faking it, and sending you the spatula based on a selfish calculation? I mean, isn’t faith the important thing?

  2. Jim says:

    Well, you just go ahead and gamble, Rob. You just go ahead and gamble that having the right hypothetical priorities is enough. See what happens when you die!!!!

    Or you could just send me the spatula to be on the safe side.

  3. Hard G says:

    Rob is right. I have faith that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is going to shower me with meatballs upon my death. It doesn’t matter if it really happens. My faith in it is all that matters.

  4. Will C. Soon says:

    I’m thinking the Homeland Security x-ray machines are going to wonder why all these spatulas are being sent to 1278 Hunter Ave, Columbus Ohio, 43201. The person living there is going to wish you hadn’t done this Jim. I’m sending mine just to be sure though. Let’s all send one!

    1. Jim says:

      Llllllliar! I have received no such spatula! God’s retribution will be swift!

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