Are you familar with Pascal’s Wager?
You know, it’s that classic argument for bringing one’s body and pocketbook to a church: it’s best to worship God because the cost of doing so is relatively low even if God doesn’t exist, but if God does exist and you don’t worship him, then the cost of eternal damnation would be extremely high.
Well, I tell you what. I can offer you an easier path to salvation, one that doesn’t involve Hosannas or that pesky tithe to keep the church leadership in style. God told me all He wants you to do is send me a spatula. That’s right: all you have to do to attain eternal salvation is send me a spatula (see enclosed video for salvation’s address). Should you do it? Work it out, Pascal-style! If I’m NOT telling the truth and you send me a spatula, then hey, all you’ve lost is a spatula. If I AM telling the truth and you DON’T send me a spatula, then boy, are you in for eternal hellfire or what?
Hint: it’s not “what”. As a matter of fact, God got very specific with me. Not only would he send you to H-E-Double-Toothpicks for not sending me a spatula, but he would also mess with your 401K plan. Yes, sinners, He in all His Glory promised that I did not receive a spatula in the mail, He would drop the Dow Jones Industrial Average down below 8,000 points in the month of February 2009. Will this come to pass? It’s up to you! Send me a spatula, or your retirement fund suffers!
The choice is clear! Send me your spatula today, for the sake of your soul and your account balance.