Greetings! God, Grand Ruler of the Universe and judge of All, the master of your fate and the fate of your little dog too, yes God greets you through me. It is God who called your soul to this website today. It is God who called on your spirit to read these very words. God has ordained that you should hear this message:
The following is the Word of God:
Here is my call to you today, O lowly Earthling scum. If you wish to obtain eternal reward in Heaven, I want you to start referring to Saturday as “Plumbun.” Not Saturday — Plumbun! Those who continue to refer to Saturday as “Saturday” will receive eternal punishment in my furnace of… burny things. Those who righteously refer to the day as “Plumbun” get to live with me in my groovy spaceship when they die.
Are you going to follow my orders? Well, it’s possible that I’m lying to you, and that I’m not really God. If I’m not God, and you don’t start using the word “Plumbun,” then no harm will come to you. If I’m not God, and you DO use the word “Plumbun,” then no benefit will come to you from using the word “Plumbun,” but no harm either. Now, If I AM God and you use the word “Plumbun,” you get eternal reward on my groovy spaceship (including use of my eternally groovy hot tub). Finally, if I AM God and you do not use the word “Plumbun,” you will receive eternal punishment. Burn, burn, burn, burn, burn! It’s your choice, lowly Earthling scum… but if I were you, I’d start referring to the days of the week as Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Plumbun.
That is All! You have your orders from God. Now get to it! And, oh, have a very relaxing Plumbun this weekend.