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Nine Practical Tips for Inauguration Day in Washington DC

It looks as though attendance will be through the roof for the Presidential Inauguration of 1-20-2009 itself and for the Inaugural Parade down Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington DC that follows. Some will be there to cheerfully rally for constitutional rights, others will be there to cheer a hero, and yes, a few others will be there to give a defiant anti-Obama Bronx cheer. Whatever your purpose, here are some practical tips for the Inauguration attendee:

1. You’re too late to get tickets to the Inauguration itself, at least up close. Tickets have already been distributed to members of Congress and other political VIPs to distribute, and demand already far exceeds supply. You can stand for free on the national mall to see and hear the inauguration on a jumbotron screen, then say to your children that you were there. If someone tells you they have a ticket to the inauguration for sale, they’re scalpers and it should be going for more than a thousand dollars. Otherwise, it’s a scam. Even if the price is high, it still might be a scam.

2. You’re too late to get a hotel room in DC or anywhere nearby. Give up on that. They’re all taken as far out as the last metro stop. So if you really want to be at the inauguration, stay in Pennsylvania or West Virginia or central Virginia and drive yourself to a DC Metro station in the wee hours of the morning. Don’t even think of driving in to DC itself.

3. Your uncle’s second wife could stage an “Inaugural Ball”. Most of the “Inaugural Balls” are chances for party organizers to rake in gobs of money from clueless visitors for lame drinks and a chance to possibly see a third-rank celebrity on stage who was famous 20 years ago and… that’s really it. The rich and famous have already bought up the tickets to the small handful of Balls where the Obamas will show up. Don’t be suckered into shelling out hundreds of dollars for a lame warehouse event.

4. Bring layers, heat packs, discreet cash, a teeny radio and beef jerky. Sure, it might be 50 degrees and sunny on Inauguration Day 2009. But it might also be 36 degrees and raining, as it was on Inauguration Day 2001. Wear layers, which you can always wrap around your waist if it gets warm. Make your top layer a poncho. In case it gets extra cold, bring the little heat packs that work when exposed to air. They weigh next to nothing but will keep you happily warm. Stuff cash in various odd places because you’ll need it especially if you can’t get out of the city. Everyone will be in line for the eateries that take credit. You’ll be able to eat at a cash-only stand if you get desperate (or just don’t want to give up your coveted place on the sidewalk). Bring beef jerky if you’re a carnivore: it’s light and filling. And get yourself one of those micro FM radios with earbuds. That way, you can listen in on Obama’s inauguration speech even if you can’t get close, and if something unexpected goes down you can know what’s up.

5. Don’t bring poles, sticks, or heavy gear. There will be a large security perimeter through which officers simply won’t allow anything that possible could be used as anything like a weapon. And after hour 4 and mile 4 of carrying that boom box, you’ll set it down and leave it on the curb anyway.

6. See a bathroom? Go to the bathroom. This thing is going to be like a chilly Woodstock. A chilly, urine-soaked Woodstock. Take advantage of all opportunities.

7. If you’re healthy and strong, walk in. The DC Metro could run fourteen trains a minute and not keep up with the traffic demand after the Inaugural Parade ends… and the Secret Service has nixed cars. Park five miles out in Maryland and take an hour to mosey each way. Leave the metro for people who can’t walk five miles.

8. Get onto the parade route soon and stay there. After Pennsylvania Avenue fills to capacity, security officials won’t let anyone in. So get your necessities elsewhere, get them early, then stick tight where you are.

9. Keep yourself updated. Visit the DC Metro, Senate, Washington Post, and DC city government Inauguration websites for updated information.

22 thoughts on “Nine Practical Tips for Inauguration Day in Washington DC”

  1. Hard G says:

    You said, “small handful of Balls…”

    Heh heha hauehru heh uaeh uah eheh.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I cannot believe you actually think Obama will be inaugurated as he has still not proven he is has Valid birth certificate. Him not submitting One but just an certificate of live birth and nothing else proves he was not born here but in Kenya. He is being sued in the state of California along with a few other States. Alan Keyes has a valid suit because he was an independent candidate for president no media venue will even touch this but they will have to after it goes before the supreme court and he does not win.

  3. Jim says:

    You know, it occurs to me that YOU haven’t proven you have a valid birth certificate either. You must also have been born in Kenya.

    Come to think of it, I haven’t proven it either. Neither has my mother. We must all have been born in Kenya.

  4. Bob S-K says:

    Anonymous, my daughters were both born in North Carolina, and the paper issued by the NC vital records division says “Certificate of Live Birth.” I think it’s probably okay. Seriously.

  5. Anonymous says:

    No, I do
    not think it is okay as your daughters are not running for the Highest Office But Obama did, and against our constitution he was elected without serious scrutiny But you liberals do not care about it. You will see soon enough that he will not even make it to office as he will have to be pulled he does not want anyone to know.I no longer have certificate but that does not matter he does not have one and he was born in kenya, I at least can prove from the hospital i was born and prove I was not born in Kenya, Jim you Knucklehead! That is more than Nobama can say! Arnold the Guvenator cannot even run as he was not born in the USA. You liberal Idiots.

  6. Jim says:

    Oh, right. Because you say so, he was born in Kenya. How interesting! Tell me more. Was his mother a space alien because you cannot locate her birth certificate? Was his great uncle a spawn of Neptune the Sea God? The possibilities are endless!

    You say you don’t have the certificate any more for your birth. A likely excuse. I bet you were really born in Botswana. Can’t prove you weren’t. Even if you post a picture of what you say is your birth certificate, it might have been forged. So I say you were born in Botswana. How very unconstitutional!

  7. Hard G says:

    Anonymous was born in Kenya. He can’t prove he wasn’t.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Oh no, dear Jim, You do not know the laws either and that is why Obama will not be president she was was one year to young when she had Obama, she was 18 and needed to be 19, sorry Obama’s buying the farm. It does not matter where I was Born you Idiot! I am not running for president every time you open that big mouth your foot falls further! Again I could less what you say about my certificate as mine does not matter Obama’s does However.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Oh no, dear Jim, You do not know the laws either and that is why Obama will not be president she was one year to young when she had Obama, His Mother was 18 and needed to be 19, She had to be five years a citizen from 14 at the time and she was one year too young! Sorry Obama’s buying the farm. It does not matter where I was Born, you Idiot, I am not running for president, every time you open that big mouth your foot falls further! Again, I could care less what you say about my certificate as mine does not matter Obama’s does However. And he will not be president he even knows it the reason he acts so strange in trying pompously to usurp Authority that he does not have.

  10. Jim says:

    Barack Obama’s mother needed to be 19 when he was born in order for him to run for President? That’s a new one. Did she also need to have collected enough Green Stamps?

    I have to say this for you: you’re very interesting. Tell me more!

  11. Anonymous says:

    No you dumb liberal Yankee,

    Obama’s mother left the USA for Kenya and had Obama when she was 18, tPresidential office requires a natural-born citizen if the child was not born to two U.S. Citizen parents, which of course is what exempts John McCain though he was born in the Panama Canal. US Law very clearly stipulates: “…If only one parent was a U.S. Citizen at the time of your birth, that parent must have resided in the United States for at least ten years, at least five of which had to be after the age of 16.” Barack Obama’s father was not a U.S. Citizen and Obama’s mother was only 18 when Obama was born, which means though she had been a U.S. Citizen for 10 years, the mother fails the test for being so for at least 5 years **prior to** Barack Obama’s birth, but *after* age 16. It doesn’t matter *after* . In essence, she was not old enough to qualify her son for automatic U.S. Citizenship. At most, there were only 2 years elapsed. Obama will not be President, He Knows a lot people know it, except for you communist liberals to whom your Hiearchy keeps in the dark.

  12. Jim says:

    All this in your own mind. Barack Obama was born in the United States. Except, that’s right, YOU haven’t seen the birth certificate, which PROVES he was born in Kenya! We’re all Kenyans by that standard! I’m a Luo, you’re a Luo, he’s a Luo, she’s a Luo. Wouldn’t you like to be a Luo too?

    Keep up the insults; they add special sauce to your interesting ideas. So I’m a dumb liberal Yankee communist liberal with my Hierarchy in the Dark! Well, that’s not nearly enough. What else am I? Try to work in “devil-worshipper.”

  13. Anonymous says:

    No it does not come from my own mind Just wait and see he will be president. December is when it goes before the supreme Court and Nobama is sweating Bullets.

  14. Hard G says:

    So, “Anonymous,” how are you going to change your story when Obama is inaugurated and *does* become President? What are you going to do? What story will you make up?

  15. Jim says:

    Ooh, ooh, I know, how about this one?

    When “Barack Obama” appears to take the Oath of Office, there will be no proof that it is the actual “Barack Obama” taking the Oath of Office. After all, since Anonymous doesn’t have Barack Obama’s Birth Certificate in his hand, it could be that there are TWO missing Birth Certificates. It could be that Barack Obama is one of a pair of twins. There’s “no proof” that he is not. And it could be that Barack Obama’s twin brother, Jerry Obama, was the one who actually took the Oath of Office. There will be “no proof” that Barack Obama actually is our president. Voila: you see, Barack Obama is not our President!

  16. Bob S-K says:

    Anonymous, I’m more interested in why you think there’s a problem with the document saying “Certificate of Live Birth.” I know my daughters aren’t running for president; my point is that their documents are valid, even as they say “Certificate of Live Birth” and not “Birth Certificate.” If Obama’s document says “Certificate of Live Birth,” why does that–by itself–present a problem?

  17. Bob S-K says:

    Wow, anonymous is not alone by any stretch. Look at the size of the comments section at this article:

  18. Hard G says:

    That’s obviously a forgery. It says he was born at 7:24 p.m. (Actually they say “PM,” which in itself is a problem). Anyway, it is a knowed fakt taht his mother, Ann, was seen talking to Lyndon LaRouche at 7:15 p.m. in Jack Ruby’s Honolulu night club, “The Carousel.” According to reports, she was drinking a Mai Tai at the time! The Carousel was at least 25 minutes away by car from Queens Medical Center in Honolulu.

    So tell me, you Communist liberal socialist devils, HOW do you explain that?! You can’t! Therefore, Barack HUSSEIN Obama was born in Keyna.


  19. Anonymous says:

    We are going to have the last laugh when Obama cannot be president! Look up Alan Keye’s lawsuit against Obama, then Laugh some more.

  20. Jim says:

    I did. Thanks.

  21. Alex says:

    NEWS About B.Obama Birth Certificate:

    God Bless USA

  22. Jim says:

    In this case, NEWS should be spelled NEW’S, as a contraction for NEW FICTIONS. Looks like I have to write about this today.

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