Reliable news sources such as KXMB TV in Bismarck, North Dakota continue to report on the conspiracy theory that Barack Obama was not born in the United States, although his mother and father were both in the United States at the time that he was born. They point out that the state of Hawaii, where Obama purports to have been born, has not released his official birth certificate, suspiciously following the same policy that they do for every other person born in Hawaii. More darkly, they note that everyone who might have had firsthand knowledge of Barack Obama’s birth has died – including his great-great-great-great grandparents (all 64 of them – how ruthless).
We here at Irregular Times are now able, however, to bring you this exclusive story: Anonymous sources tell us that Barack Obama was in fact never born! That explains the whole birth certificate thing.
You know how Obama appeared to come out of nowhere in 2004? Well, he did. Genetic engineering, you know. Barack Obama is only going to have his 5th birthday this next July. That means that he’s not eligible to serve as President, or to drink beer. You know what they say – if you don’t want to sit down and have a beer with a guy, he definitely isn’t qualified to be President.