Jet Skis Are For Wimps
Jet ski enthusiasts have been giving angry responses over the last few days to an article written last summer about the tremendous waste and irritation that comes from jet skiers who like to make big vroom vroom noises.
We’ve learned that jet skiers are big talkers. They’ll hurl crude insults as quickly as they toss cans of cheap beer off the backs of their Seadoos. They seem particularly focused on sexual insults, specializing in homophobia and bragging about the power of their “motors”. One even suggested that the toddler daughter of our writer Jim had already had sexual intercourse on the back of a jet ski.
Jet skis riders love to suggest that their machines are proof of their virility, but there’s one thing that they hate to mention: None of the power of their jet skis is theirs.
Riding a jet ski, you’re just sitting there, with a motor vibrating between your legs, making your crotch, well, numb. The jet ski is burning, and the jet ski rider is not burning at all. They’re just riders. They might as well be sitting on a couch, watching a movie of the waves. They’re not doing any of the work, and they’re getting weak. They need to burn gasoline to go fast, because they don’t have the strength to do it themselves.
You want to know who’s got the real power? Take a look at people who use their muscles to move through the water.
Look to the canoeists andkayakers. While the jet skiers sit and bend their wrists, people who go by canoe and kayak put their whole bodies into it. They’re pulling through the water with their chests, their backs, their arms, and even using their legs. They’re tight. They’re hard. They’ve got the circulation it takes to really perform.
Meanwhile, the jet skiers are sitting, drinking beer, getting flabby. The truth: Jet skis are for wimps.