Go Ahead and Secede, Texas
You can tell a protest isn’t exactly a grassroots affair when the Governor is a scheduled speaker. But there Texas Governor Rick Perry was on April 15, smiling and lapping up the adulation of the Tea Party crowd that chanted “Secede! Secede! Secede!” Later on, he explained why he thought Texas’ secession from the United States was a reasonable possibility:
There’s a lot of different scenarios. We’ve got a great union. There’s absolutely no reason to dissolve it. But if Washington continues to thumb their nose at the American people, you know, who knows what might come out of that. But Texas is a very unique place, and we’re a pretty independent lot to boot.
I don’t know about the boot, Governor Perry, but I think you mean “a sort-of independent lot.” The state of Texas actually receives more money in federal spending than its citizens contribute in federal taxes. Americans who live in other states keep on hearing about how we’re not supposed to mess with Texas, and what instruments we’ve gotta put in the band if we want to play in Texas, and to not let our babies grow up to be cowboys. You sent us George W. Bush… and what did you do to poor J.R.’s liver?
Watching Texas’ big, long, drawn out swagger leaves the rest of us exhausted. You know that you’re family, Texas, so if you’d like to stay in the union you’re always welcome, just like Uncle Albert, even with the way he does that thing with his thing and the other thing. But if you want to secede, go right ahead. You can keep right on strutting and posing, and we won’t have to pay attention any longer.