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Rename Swine Flu Contest. Enter Today and Win (phlegm)!

Although Anthony Fauci of the Centers for Disease Control stresses that “swine flu” is so named because of historic infection of pigs by H1N1 virus, not everyone is so happy with this influenza virus’ current name. American pig farmers are upset by the name “swine flu,” protesting that sale of pig meat may go on the decline through the power of word association. The Israeli government has declared itself offended by the name “swine flu” for a virus because for people of the Jewish religion, eating of pigs is not considered kosher. I don’t think flu is kosher either, but I’ll have to recheck the Talmud to be sure.

Red Slash through the Swine in Swine Flu.  Rename the Virus!So let me see if I’ve got this straight: we shouldn’t name the current flu virus after an animal that anybody eats, and we also shouldn’t name a flu virus after an animal that anybody doesn’t eat. I guess that would rule out animals entirely.

There are two bigger virus-naming rules at work here, it seems to me. The first is that the name of a virus shouldn’t hurt business (Poor, poor Ayds Diet Gum). The second is that the name of a virus shouldn’t offend the sensibilities of any religio-political group, at least any religio-political group Americans care about.

No animals. No harm to business. No offense to any religious or political group Americans like. Can you come up with a new name for the “swine flu” that follows these restrictions and is really catchy? Add your suggestion by posting a comment to this post. If we pick your idea over the two or three other ideas our visitors and our Auntie Maude contribute, we’ll send you a packaged dollop of our own phlegm in an overnight envelope sent C.O.D..

Hurry! Post your idea now, and if this virus turns out to kill everyone on the planet, then… well, then nobody will be left to hear about it. But if this virus turns out to kill 99% of all human life, then among the remaining 1% your name for the virus could be famous!

40 thoughts on “Rename Swine Flu Contest. Enter Today and Win (phlegm)!”

  1. qs says:

    We’ve had swine flu’s and bird flu’s both over the years. It’s just been long enough for people to forget so it seems new.

  2. dandaman says:

    french flu

  3. Lupine says:

    Dandaman’s idea goes halfway, but inspired by that kooky Congressman from North Carolina, I propose the following name:

    Freedom Flu

  4. qs says:

    This is Luksik who might challenge Specter. She’s awesome, and her speech on why we need to destroy the department of education was right on.

    Jim to you think we need a department of education?

  5. Anonymous says:


  6. Tom says:

    qs: It would be nice if we had a dept. of ed. that actually worked to better education and not advance the interests of testing and book-publishing corporations and the agendas of politicians who are in the pockets of lobbyists wholly unconcerned about education.

  7. Jim says:

    How about Islamofascist Flu?

  8. Jacob says:

    How about Irregular Flu

  9. Luke says:

    The flu formally known as Swine Flu

  10. Paliban Mom says:

    How about “God’s Wrath”?

  11. Carol says:

    Let’s call it the “SOB Flu” for South of the Border!

  12. Mike says:

    How about….”The Limbaugh Flue”?

  13. Mark says:

    Montezuma’s Revenge Flu
    Mexican Flu
    Edgar Flu
    Hernandez Flu
    5 year old flu
    La GLoria Flu
    Swihubir (Swine Human Bird) Flu
    Mixed Flu
    Trispecies Flu
    PC (politically correct) flu
    Veracruz Flu
    Mountain Flu

    1. Jim says:

      You really want that phlegm, don’t you? 8)

  14. macrophage says:

    Name the syndrome the ‘RIP-n-DIP’ this links it directly to its probable cause, foul conditions at the Smitthfield Farms Swine Factory Farm in Mexico. Rip-n-Dip is a Smithfield brands product.

  15. Brian West says:

    Dude, so simple, Pig Sniffles.

  16. someone says:

    ok well i wanted to say one hing that i think a bout the swine flu..i taught this thru allot and it made cense when i came to a conclusion..ok well first off all i think the swine flu is not real..i might be wrong but who knows.ok well first off all i need to ask a questione have you seen people on t.v or heard names of people that have been infcted??..yeah ii havent..when i was a little girl i used to live in mexico and their was something going on just like now it was calle the CHUPACABRA and they made that cerecter up because they wanted to keep people in theirs houses at night so the nights that people were in their house airplains that cerried drugs passed thru mexico and on to the u.s.a and now they want to do the same thing they want to keep the people inside their houses at night so the airplians that are low in the air can pass.and the people wont nodiced..ii now i might not make that much cense but just resrch people that have been infected by the swine flu and trust me you wont find eany people because their aint eany… I THIINK..dont teust me becaus this is an oppinion…

    1. Chelsea says:

      I have swine flu. I tested positive at my doctors office for influenza A. They sent my culture to a lab and it came back as H1N1. Swine flu is just like any other flu only more congestion in the lungs and some bad headaches. I will survive. There is an outbreak at my college right now, Washington State University. So yes, swine flu is real..but what is not real is all the rumors about it being some kind of super bug. It is just another strain of the flu. Unless u are 80yrs old u should be fine.

  17. i am legit says:

    Latin Flu
    Pacific Flu
    Hernandez Flu
    La Gloria Flu
    Smithfield Flu
    Oaxaca Flu
    San Diego Flu
    California Flu
    North American Flu
    Western Flu
    Summer Flu
    Edgar Flu
    Glory Flu
    Gloria Flu
    Border Flu
    Recession Flu

  18. Anonymous says:

    april flu:)

  19. says:

    tolerant flu:-)

  20. jokeisonyou says:

    Unbelievable that there is debate about the political correctness of a sickness name…..

    According to this site, the Maldives is actually lobbying to “sponsor the name” to attract tourism:

  21. jay sheckley says:

    Maybe flus should be named like hurricanes. Maybe after villainesses: Cruella flu? I really like’Yikes’?
    As in “Two more cases of Yikes have been diagnosed…”

  22. Heelsplitter says:

    How ’bout Megafarm Flu?

  23. DKDC says:

    Ha–“PC flu,” “the flu formerly known as…”

    Re: Maldives flu. …to ATTRACT tourism?

    How about “The-other-white-meat Flu”? Or “Stout-bodied short-legged omnivorous artiodactyl Flu”

  24. Luke says:

    “Stout bodied..” I likes!!

  25. Majestyk_2k says:

    I think we should call it the ‘Retarded Flu’, since most of the people reporting, discussing or gossiping about it are full on retards anyawys.

    Retards won’t get offended because they’re… well, retards!
    Give ’em a hug and they’ll be happy!


  26. Hannover Fisst says:

    I like the ‘Retarded Flu’. It’s easy to cure.

    You just shout ‘Shoo Shoo Retarded Flu!!’ into a mirrir until it goes away!

    It’s retarded, it doesn’t know any better so it leaves!

    1. Jim says:

      Well, that’s not funny. That’s just mean. Funny would be the person who’s calling people retards eating a sandwich that some feverish passerby just sneezed on.

      1. Majestyk_2k says:

        Aww, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you Jim. Next time I’m talking about
        you I’ll say ‘specially abled’ instead of Retard. I don’t wanna make you cry.

        Now where’s that hug?

  27. EcoChav says:

    I think it should be called “Dave”

  28. idaslaptim says:

    How about “texmexiflu”??? Got a nice ring to it!

  29. Nipahhh says:

    Capricorn Flu

  30. cachow says:

    i think everybody’s trying too hard.

    howabout something simple, like “it”

    “IT has been killing more and more people”

    or “the-flu-that-must-not-be-named”

    or a dog name, like “killer”

    “well, killer is on the loose.”

  31. chompy says:


    revenge of the bacon?

  32. LOLALA says:

    It is so obvious – it’s actually the “H1N1″ virus which LOOKS like HINI” which would be pronounced “henny”, as in henny-penny, who claimed the sky was falling down, and well… you get the drift. (or if pronounced “hiney” it would remind everyone of what a bunch of jackasses they were to get everyone so scared about what seems now to be a not-so lethal bug…)

  33. hp-minneapolis says:


    Hog 2 Human Flu

  34. John G says:

    Would have been cool if they’d held this at the same time as the Swine Flu Cake Naming Contest:

  35. Schedule says:

    Maybe you should make changes to the post name title Irregular Times » Blog Archive » Rename Swine Flu Contest. Enter Today and Win (phlegm)! to something more catching for your content you create. I loved the the writing however.

    1. J. Clifford says:

      You have an excellent point about the titles of our blog articles.

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