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God Punishes Sodomites of Maine and NH With Light Spring Rains

God will not be mocked! Just ask prominent Christian fundamentalist preachers John Hagee and Pat Robertson and Stephen Bennett. Each has proclaimed God’s intention to punish the promotion of gay and lesbian coupling with His Holy Instruments of Meterological Terror. Zeus, Schmeus: the Christian God can do better than lightning bolts. He will Wreak His Holy Vengeance with great storms! And hurricanes! Woe! Repent!

Take the sad example of New Hampshire. The New Hampshire Senate passed a bill on Wednesday to legalize same-sex marriage… and what did the Almighty dispense that day in His Unquestionable Judgment? Sunshine! And a high of 64 degrees! The next day, what befell the state? Partly cloudy weather! And a high of 70! You can go ahead and start gnashing your teeth. Then wail and beat your brow, because today there is… light rain and continued warmth. With this kind of righteous punishment, I don’t think the New Hampshirinians can hold out long.

Following in the Sodomicious footsteps of New Hampshire is the state senate of Maine, which yesterday — under sunny skies with a high in the sixties!!! — passed a bill to legalize same-sex marriage by a 21-14 margin. Well, God sure did show ’em today. Watch out, Portland! See if you can long withstand light rains with temperatures remaining in the sixties. This can only bring the sprouting of tulips. And after that… the Swiss chard! And the cabbages! Oh, the cabbages!

Bow your head in sympathy for the people of these two New England states. But do not be sorry for their fate of lush, green gardens, for you must know they brought it upon themselves.

4 thoughts on “God Punishes Sodomites of Maine and NH With Light Spring Rains”

  1. Jacob says:

    We all know that judgement is not immediate. Jim, the fact that you are still breathing shows that God can be mocked for a time.

  2. Jim says:

    I forgot all about the Mystery of Faith. God is swift in his judgment and vengeance, except when he isn’t. Proclaim, proclaim, proclaim! How very inscrutable and thoroughly irrefutable!

  3. Tom says:

    You either believe the religious ideology or you don’t. The woe-be-unto-ye crowd has been spouting this stuff since its inception eons ago and guess what – they all died too.
    So what. If the country was in any way Christian or even religious (in any sense) we wouldn’t be in the position we’re in now because the leaders – fast to avow how religious they are – would do what’s right. But they don’t because of self-interest, corporate pressure ($) and political expediency, among other factors which lead to corruption.

    The Constitution was designed with non-religious statesmen in mind to rule by law. What we have now is a complete bastardization of that which was designed, making us, in effect, a banana republic at best or a dictatorship at worst, but certainly not a democracy.

  4. ELBSeattle says:

    It never ceases to amaze me how people like Pat Robertson and John Hagee continue with their angry ‘God’ who rains fire and terror down from the skies. Not only is this inaccurate (Bible belt states get hit by tornadoes and floods more than any other state in the US) but it also smacks of pagan fear of sky-gods. We must sacrifice a virgin to the volcano to appease the volcano-god’s anger! I think most of the civilized world recognizes that weather happens, and that it is not some sort of Divine Vengeance being wreaked on humanity for misdeeds. If weather really, truly were an angry ‘God’ unleashing its fury then wouldn’t there be a clear indication of what makes this sky-god angry? Oh, no, I forgot: God’s reasons are His own. That’s right. Fear God, don’t question God, and get others to buy into this fear. Yep: makes great sense to me.

    I heard an excellent sermon one Sunday about how the God of the Old Testament acted in a way that looked like nothing so much as a raging, spiteful, alcoholic, abusive father. Why on earth would anyone pay any attention to that sort of raging, let alone worship such a being?

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