God Punishes Sodomites of Maine and NH With Light Spring Rains
God will not be mocked! Just ask prominent Christian fundamentalist preachers John Hagee and Pat Robertson and Stephen Bennett. Each has proclaimed God’s intention to punish the promotion of gay and lesbian coupling with His Holy Instruments of Meterological Terror. Zeus, Schmeus: the Christian God can do better than lightning bolts. He will Wreak His Holy Vengeance with great storms! And hurricanes! Woe! Repent!
Take the sad example of New Hampshire. The New Hampshire Senate passed a bill on Wednesday to legalize same-sex marriage… and what did the Almighty dispense that day in His Unquestionable Judgment? Sunshine! And a high of 64 degrees! The next day, what befell the state? Partly cloudy weather! And a high of 70! You can go ahead and start gnashing your teeth. Then wail and beat your brow, because today there is… light rain and continued warmth. With this kind of righteous punishment, I don’t think the New Hampshirinians can hold out long.
Following in the Sodomicious footsteps of New Hampshire is the state senate of Maine, which yesterday — under sunny skies with a high in the sixties!!! — passed a bill to legalize same-sex marriage by a 21-14 margin. Well, God sure did show ’em today. Watch out, Portland! See if you can long withstand light rains with temperatures remaining in the sixties. This can only bring the sprouting of tulips. And after that… the Swiss chard! And the cabbages! Oh, the cabbages!
Bow your head in sympathy for the people of these two New England states. But do not be sorry for their fate of lush, green gardens, for you must know they brought it upon themselves.