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Green SuperFood Isn't

Last night, I was on the move, and didn’t have the time to stop for a full dinner, so I dropped in on a Whole Foods store in the hopes of finding something both satisfying and nourishing. I picked up a Sambazon Acai, blueberry and pomegranate juice blend (also with agave, apple, grape and acerola juice) that was quite satisfying.

I also picked up an Organic Green SuperFood energy bar, from Amazing Grass, which was not. Was not amazing. Was not really organic. Was not superfood. It was green, in the worst sense – like the sense of the color that some bodily fluid left somewhere to fester for a month might be green.

This bar managed to be unsatisfyingly crunchy in some places and slimy in other places. Parts of it tasted like bad chocolate. Parts of it were bland. Other parts tasted like fruit that’s been sitting out for too long.

The promise of this energy bar is that it’s organic, but it contains pineapple, cane sugar, green tea, cocoa butter, chocolate, “natural vanilla flavor”, and raspberries that were not grown organically. This labeling is all legal, but it’s still nonsense. If a single crop is raised only partly organically, it can’t be labeled as “organic”, but a food made from many crops can be labeled as “organic” if only some of those crops are organic, see.

The Amazing Grass company promised that this energy bar would “satisfy your hunger and deliver nutrients to your body the way that Mother Nature intended”. If Mother Nature intended me to eat Organic Green SuperFood energy bars, 1) She would have made them growing on trees; and 2) She would have made them taste and feel less disgusting in the human mouth.

Oh, but it’s “gluten free”. Apparently, Mother Nature didn’t intend anyone to eat gluten, which is why, uh, it’s found in wheat grain. The aliens from Alpha Centauri must have transplanted wheat here on Earth when Mother Nature wasn’t looking. Damn GMO aliens!

1 comment to Green SuperFood Isn't

  • Joy

    A good review, I’m sure as heck not going to eat that, and I’m sure people with gluten allergies also appreciate an advance warning not to either.

    It may be helpful to know that about 1 in 100 people is fairly allergic to gluten, which can restrict their food choices a fair amount. Unfortunately, it’s hard to get a good breadlike texture without it, as gluten is kind of the glue that holds wheat based foods together.

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