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The Pickle Horcrux Solution

It is a shame that no one alerted young Tom Riddle to the existence of the lesser-known pickle horcrux solution to the problem of mortality. To fashion a pickle horcrux, one must first convert one’s soul to a dill pickle. One then divides one’s soul into five, six, seven or even eight pieces, lengthwise into slices or cross-sectionally into coins, with a knife. No murder necessary. Just a kitchen knife.

All the loss, all the pain, was totally unnecessary. Also the snake eyes and the hissy thing. Completely unnecessary, had he known the power of the pickle. Ah.

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Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?