The Daily Mail brings us a sensational story with the headline: Terror as hundreds of 5ft long creatures of the deep invade Californian coastline. “Hundreds of aggressive jumbo flying squid have appeared off the coast of San Diego, attacking divers and washing up dead on beaches,” the article warns.
Okay, it’s not exactly terror for animals that live in the ocean to wash up dead on the beach. That’s pretty normal.
Hundreds of aggressive jumbo flying squid attacking divers sounds pretty scary, though. I mean, how would someone go about escaping hundreds of squid attacking you from every direction?
Hm. It turns out that these squid don’t actually attack in the hundreds, just one or two at a time. Their “attacks” consist of pulling at the scuba equipment divers wear underwater.
Underwater? Wait a minute. I thought the Daily Mail said that these were jumbo flying squid. If they’re flying, how come they’re encountering divers underwater? It turns out that these aren’t flying squid at all. They’re just swimming, like other squid.
Oh, but there have been attacks. There have been killings – huge numbers of them. Just as the Daily Mail reports, hundreds of 5 foot-long creatures have invaded the depths off the coast of California, hungry and hunting for prey. These predators pull their struggling victims away until they are lost forever, cut up into pieces, and eaten…
… often with lemon and capers. As one of these predators explains, “Yeah, I got the awesome chance to eat that amazing fucker on Saturday Night. Chris, that was the best squid I’ve ever eaten in my life and when I was in Sushi school I ate a lot of squid.”