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Top Ten Tom Tancredo Talk Topics

Say that five times fast.

2008 Republican Presidential Candidate and former Congressman Tom Tancredo will be an invited speaker at the 2009 Constitution Party national committee meeting on October 23, 2009. Former Representative Tancredo has just started working on his speech, so we can’t say for sure what will come out of his mouth, but based on his past rhetorical flourishes and policy priorities these are the Top Ten Tom Tancredo Talk Topic possibilities:

1. Fourth Amendment, Schmourth Amendment! Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the FISA Amendments Act

2. So This Fella Walks Into a Bar With 20 Nuclear Bombs… Or, the terrorists will blow us up for sure this time, not like the last time.

3. First Amendment, Schmirst Amendment! You can say what you like until you insult my flag.

4. Speaking of Bombs, Bomb Mecca! That will smooth things over.

5. Secession Now, Secession Forever! Hey, where are you going?

6. Equal Protection Under Law… Unless you shot a foreigner. Because foreigners can’t count to Fourteen.

7. Why American Babies are Not Actually American Babies. Impure blood, or the not counting to Fourteen problem again?

8. First Amendment, Schmirst Amendment, Again! Or, why it’s OK to vote for a bill recognizing the celebration of Christmas but it’s NOT OK to vote for a bill recognizing the celebration of Ramadan.

9. Evolution is a Sham. Oooh ooh, aah aah, my ass. I’m a being of light!

10. First Amendment, Schmirst Amendment, Yet Again! Or, why the United States Government should be declaring war upon a religion.

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Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?