Browse By

Catholic and Baptist Vengeance Freaks, Check Your Tornado History With Jesus

After a weak F0 tornado touched down yesterday in Minneapolis and slightly damaged the Central Lutheran Church in Minneapolis, a Baptist preacher and a member of the Catholic Media Coalition sprung into action. The two representatives of the these conservative Christian religious organizations noted that in Minneapolis that day, some Lutherans had gathered to discuss the role of gay preachers in church leadership.

Coincidence? Not to James Mary Evans and John Piper! The pair declared that “Jesus Christ controls the wind, including all tornados.” They noted that yes, Jesus Hates Figs:

as the American justice system calls them: Acts of God… Perhaps a lesson from the fig tree — re-reading Mark 13: 5-6, 28-29 — occured Wednesday on 3rd street in downtown Minneapolis, Mn.

in order to come to this…

Conclusion: The tornado in Minneapolis was a gentle but firm warning to the ELCA and all of us: Turn from the approval of sin. Turn from the promotion of behaviors that lead to destruction. Reaffirm the great Lutheran heritage of allegiance to the truth and authority of Scripture. Turn back from distorting the grace of God into sensuality.

So “Jesus Christ controls the wind, including all tornados”, huh? And tornados serve as Jesus’ “gentle but firm warning” to “turn from the approval of sin?”

Well, what does this history have to say about the moral status of the Baptist Church?

1994: Deadly tornado forces weekly broadcast of the Meadowbrook Baptist Church off the air.

But you think that’s bad? Let’s get more recent:

2007: Tornado tears roof off the Greater Little Rock Baptist Church.

2007: Tornado destroys Valley Missionary Baptist Church

2007 Tornado heavily damages Kimball Baptist Church

2008: Tornado destroys Sharon Baptist Church.

2008: Tornado damages New Birth Missionary Baptist Church and Mount Gilead Baptist Church

2009: Tornado destroys Corinth Baptist Church.

destroyedsalembaptistchurch2009: Tornado destroys the Salem Baptist Church.

2009: Tornado destroys the Hickory Grove Missionary Baptist Church and damages the Booker Chapel Baptist Church.

Many more destroyed and heavily damaged Baptist churches litter the landscape of the years.

How about Catholic churches?

2006: St. Patrick’s Catholic Church destroyed by a tornado.

2007: St. Joseph Church destroyed by a tornado.

2008: St. Matthew Catholic Church parish hall destroyed by a tornado.

You know, I can’t find any more recent tales of Catholic churches being destroyed. Maybe their parishoners are just less sinful than the Baptists. But neither the Catholics nor the Baptists would be advised to Lord it over the Lutherans for their tornado lifestyle choices.

5 thoughts on “Catholic and Baptist Vengeance Freaks, Check Your Tornado History With Jesus”

  1. F.G. Fitzer says:

    That tornado also damaged a middle school. There’s proof enough for me – God hates middle school! It’s all those dances, you know.

  2. ReMarker says:

    It is a good job you do with your investigative journalism. That info was surely hard to find. Thanks for helping us be well informed and stimulating a harty chuckle.

  3. Tom says:

    If you go a little broader (ie. not just churches), entire TOWNS have been destroyed by tornados, earthquakes (surely must be under God’s control) have killed thousands over the years, as have floods, disease, raging fire, drought, etc. which, by their tortured logic, lead to the conclusion that God doesn’t like PEOPLE (not to mention birds, animals and other creatures destroyed by these “natural” occasions).

  4. ReMarker says:

    Ministers are not the only ones that are “Vengeance Freaks”.This is an example of what we Floridians are dealing with atm.

    Associated Press Writer
    ORLANDO, Fla. — Could it be divine intervention that’s kept Florida safe from hurricanes since Gov. Charlie Crist took office?

    Crist said he isn’t trying to take credit, but he told a group of real estate agents Friday that he’s had prayer notes placed in the Western Wall in Jerusalem each year and no major storms have hit Florida.

    Crist noted that just before his election in 2006, Florida had been affected by a total of eight hurricanes in 2004 and 2005.

    “Do you know the last time it was we had a hurricane in Florida? It’s been awhile. In 2007, I took my first trade mission. Do you know where I went?” said Crist, a Methodist, referring to a trip to Israel.

    He then told of going to the Western Wall and inserting a note with a prayer. He said it read, “Dear God, please protect our Florida from storms and other difficulties. Charlie.”

    “Time goes on – May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December – no hurricanes,” Crist said. “Thank God.”

    Last year, Sen. Nan Rich was traveling to Israel and Crist asked her to put a note in the Western Wall, a holy site in Judaism and a place where written prayers are traditionally placed.

    “It was the same note, by the way, the same prayer,” Crist said.

    This year a friend was going to Israel and he gave him a prayer to put in the Western Wall.

    “You can do it on the Internet now, but I’d rather have it physically in there,” Crist joked.

    The note was placed in the wall in May.

    “May, June, July, August – we’re getting closer,” Crist said. “Knock on wood. I would ask you all to say a prayer.”

    Afterward, he said he’s not taking credit for the lack of storms in this hurricane-prone state.

    “I give that to God,” Crist said. “But it’s nice.”

    1. Peregrin Wood says:

      What a cruel theology that Crist believes in: God will kill thousands of people in any state that neglects to pay homage?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?

Fight the Republican beast!