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How To Become A Cryptozoologist

Want to become a cryptozoologist? Remember lesson #7: Don’t accept eyewitness accounts at face value.

When an eyewitness reports seeing one thing, they may have actually seen something quite different. For example, Eric Altman, founding member of the Pennsylvania Bigfoot Society, claims that there have been 15 sightings of bigfoot in Pennsylvania so far this year. Among those sightings is one in which “the motorist never claimed what she saw was a Bigfoot but instead described it as a werewolf-like creature.”

Here’s what this skilled cryptozoologist knew: When a person says they see something that looks like a human being turned into a wolf, but you’re looking for sightings of a large hairy ape, categorize the sighting as a large hairy ape. After all, a werewolf and a bigfoot both have lots of hair.

How do you apply this approach more broadly in your practice of cryptozoology? When a visitor to Loch Ness reports seeing a fish they could not identify, call it a sighting of the Loch Ness monster. After all, the Loch Ness monster is an unidentified inhabitant of Loch Ness, and so was that fish.

When a goat farmer says that one of his kids is missing, report it as a case of the Chupacabra, the Mexican goatsucker, on the loose. After all, a kid sucks on its mother goat, and so does the Chupacrabra.

When a witness makes the following report, “I was at a picnic yesterday, when I saw a cheese puff fly over head,” classify this as an unidentified flying object, with possible extraterrestrial origin. After all, a flying cheese puff and a UFO both have mysterious inner chambers, and no one knows what either one might be doing in the air.

The important thing to remember is that, as a cryptozoologist, in order to uncover the truth about strange creatures unknown to science, you have to develop a sort of soft focus when it comes to the facts. Yes, put the facts out in front of you, but then pull back from them a bit, squint, and let your mind wander. Then, the patterns will begin to become clear.

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