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Revelation: The DNC Certified Obama as Qualified. It's a Scandal!

OK, folks, are you ready for the latest Barack Obama conspiracy theory? Take a deep breath and hold onto your seats, because here it is:

Back in 2008, the Democratic National Committee made the following declaration, with notarized signatures and everything:

DNC Certifies Barack Obama is Constitutionally Qualified to be President, with Notarized Signatures

Aha! You see? This is the nail in the coffin! This document clearly shows that

… um,
… er,

… that the DNC and Democratic Party leaders declared that Barack Obama was nominated and is constitutionally eligible to be President?

NOOOOOOO, reply the Barack Obama conspiracy theorists! That’s not what it means at all! We just don’t understand!! By declaring in signed and notarized affirmations that Barack Obama IS constitutionally eligible to be President, the Democrats have fully demonstrated that Barack Obama IS NOT constitutionally eligible to be President!!! Really!!!!! No, really really!!!!!!!!!

You want to know why? Oh, this is the real cherry on top. It’s delicious. Ready? Take a deep breath. Here’s their reason:

You see, on the same day that the DNC signed and notarized an affirmation that Barack Obama was nominated as their candidate AND is constitutionally eligible for the office of President, the DNC also signed and notarized another document in addition, an affirmation that Barack Obama was nominated as their candidate:

DNC Certifies Barack Obama as Presidential Nominee

You SEE? You SEE? This conclusively demonstrates a conspiracy to hide Barack Obama’s Kenyan origins! BWAHahahahahahahahaha! Hahahahaha! Ha ha…

… what? You don’t see how two affirmations, signed and notarized, demonstrate any kind of conspiracy of any sort about anything?

Well, did you put on the goggles before you looked at the document? You know, the goggles? The special goggles? You know, the ones the Illuminati sent you in the MAIL! Put them on and look again:

Secret message written by Barack HUSSEIN Obama in invisible ink

You see? Once you put the goggles on, everything becomes clear!

5 thoughts on “Revelation: The DNC Certified Obama as Qualified. It's a Scandal!”

  1. ReMarker says:

    I finally understand WHY I have been so ill informed.
    I didn’t have THE goggles. Thanks for sending me a pair.

    Fyi, I’ve learned other invisible things can be seen too. It just takes practice.

    PS, Please tell Fitzy the goggles work for seeing the Orang Pendek.

    Viewable with THE goggles, list:
    Obama’s horns and pointed tail.
    The future.
    The winner of the college football National Championship (Gators).

    The above is a partial list. I’m still practicing.

  2. Claire says:

    I got a pair, too. Apparently, through them you can see that Obama is responsible for the recession and the war in Afghanistan, even though both happened before he was elected. These goggles are pretty powerful!

  3. Jim Winchester says:

    Perhaps none of you guys also knew that on his very first day in office, Obama gave an executive order to seal all HIS OWN personal records. No president has ever BEGAN his term by immediately covering up – of all things – his OWN IDENTITY!?!? Even without that little important tid-bit to help you, uh, properly interpret other events, one has to ask why in the world would anybody deliberately remove language regarding elgibility from the form already supplied to them, and essentially RE-DO THE WHOLE FORM, but WITHOUT that crucial last phrase?

    Use your head (c’mon, you’re allowed; it’s OK; it might hurt a bit at first, but you’ll get the hang of it…)

    There’s only one reason somebody would do that, isn’t there? And it’s NOT so that we’d all be provoked into arguing with each other about it for years afterwards.

    1. J. Clifford says:

      Can you show me where, besides on right wing conspiracy theory sites, there’s evidence for that executive order? Other executive orders are described on the White House web site. Where is the one you’re talking about? What’s its number?

      1. Jim says:

        Jim Winchester is getting his presidents confused. It’s George W. Bush who issued Executive Order 13233, which allowed sitting presidents, former presidents, and the heirs of former presidents to deny the public the right to presidential documents.

        H.R. 35 was a bill to revoke Bush’s executive order. Not a single Democrat voted against it. 58 Republicans voted against it.

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