The Manufacture and Marketing of Miracles: Holy Toast!
Last year, I spent a few days looking for the meaning of life, the universe and everything in my morning whole-wheat toast. Last night I discovered that someone’s one-upped me, manufacturing the means to a daily miracle:
Press it into your bread before toasting, and vision of the Virgin Mary will infallibly appear.
It’s a very clever idea, although some of the fun is taken out when you know for sure what will appear. I’d like give you a link to the product, but it’s made in China, which means that somebody’s being grossly underpaid and possibly poisoned so that you can make a funny.
Besides, you can do do it yourself without the packaging. To make your own Virgin Mary or Crucifix or Cthulhu or Flying Spaghetti Monster toast press, just unfold a bunch of paper clips (or popsicle sticks, or twigs) and twist them together into the shape you’d like. Press that shape into the bread, then toast it. Or, to use another method, cut your shape out of a piece of paper, lay it on top of your slice of bread, and unleash some cooking spray onto it. The paper will block the cooking spray from certain parts of the bread, acting as a stencil. Et voila!
Nearly instant inspiration, and really, you did it yourself.