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Federal Government Predicts Apocalypse Soon

The proclamation didn’t gain any attention in the corporate-run news media. Perhaps Washington D.C.’s reporters weren’t up early enough in the morning to see it taking place. Yet, the apocalyptic declaration of the coming End Times is a matter of public record.

The speaker, a publicly-paid official with the federal government, stood before the assembled House of Representatives and declared: “Lord God, through the Holy Scriptures You speak to Your people…. As people of the Book, we will see Your prophetic and apocalyptic proclamations fulfilled in our time.”

daniel p. coughlin apocalyseThe Apocalyse is coming soon! All the dark prophecies of the Book of Revelation will be fulfilled within our lifetime! The Angel of the Bottomless Pit will soon rise! The great red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns will soon appear! The vials of the wrath of God will be poured out upon the earth before too long now!

So declared the federal government’s official religious spokesman, Daniel P. Coughlin, the Chaplain of the House of Representatives.

Just what are the members of the House of Representatives supposed to do with this piece of information? Provide extra funding to FEMA? Pass a resolution directing the State Department to prepare a special diplomatic mission to greet Jesus? Create special military forces prepared to deal with dragons and seven-headed beasts? Pass a constitutional amendment revoking the separation of church and state?

16 comments to Federal Government Predicts Apocalypse Soon

  • Jacob

    Just to help prevent poor funding…

    “seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns will soon appear” is not a literal being. It represents the kingdom of the anti christ

    “dragon” is Satan himself, well, its a form Satan takes on in some places in Scripture. Satan himself is the angel of light and is the most beautiful of all of Gods creation. Those who dont know better will worship him

  • Wait a minute, Jacob. Before, you said that every word of the Bible was the literal truth. Apparently, you don’t believe that now. Is that right?

    Do you think that an employee of the federal government ought to be issuing declarations that Satan will come to Earth in an apocalypse, and ancient prophecies will come true in our lifetimes?

    • Jacob

      A. No, you are wrong and playing games. The Bible is the innerent Word of God. God uses a viarety of ways to teach us. You are smarter than to play this game… Dont misrepresent or place words in my mouth. Context counts in Scripture.

      B. I dont believe that anyone should try to predict the return of Jeus Christ. there is no calander countdown. The best we can say is that we live in a time where it is possible to happen any moment and live every day as if He is returning. We should be ready at all times for His return.

      • I’ll accept, if you say so, that you don’t think that the Bible is literally true, though you do think it’s “innerent” (inerrant). How do you know that your contextual interpretation is the right one? How do you know what’s meant by the red dragon? How do you know what the seven-headed beast is?

        Also, how does it feel for you to see a government employee in particular making calendrical prophecies about your religion?

        • Jacob

          If we are focusing purly on end time prophesies (because that is where most of the discussion on literal or not comes into play, Noah’s Ark and creation and all of that show no idication that they are not literal so take them at face value.) I will admit that I may be wrong on details. All I know for certain is that Christ is returning to judge and set up His Kingdom. As far as the red dragon goes I think that part is for sure. I dont have my Bible in front of me but as I recall there are two resons why this is not literal; a. the dragon is seen in heaven and not on Earth. Satan, who is the dragon throughout Scripture, indwells the anti Christ, who is man. This is the arguement I have been making at IT for the past year or so. Since the Bible is God given we most read everypart of the bible in context with the rest of the Bible. Satan is referred to as the dragon on more than one occasion.

          The beast is an easy answer. Read the whole passage. The Bible says it is not literal and then explains some of it.

          “3 So he carried me away in the spirit into the wilderness: and I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet coloured beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns.

          4 And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication:

          5 And upon her forehead was a name written, MYSTERY, BABYLON THE GREAT, THE MOTHER OF HARLOTS AND ABOMINATIONS OF THE EARTH.

          6 And I saw the woman drunken with the blood of the saints, and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus: and when I saw her, I wondered with great admiration.

          7 And the angel said unto me, Wherefore didst thou marvel? I will tell thee the mystery of the woman, and of the beast that carrieth her, which hath the seven heads and ten horns.

          8 The beast that thou sawest was, and is not; and shall ascend out of the bottomless pit, and go into perdition: and they that dwell on the earth shall wonder, whose names were not written in the book of life from the foundation of the world, when they behold the beast that was, and is not, and yet is.

          9 And here is the mind which hath wisdom. The seven heads are seven mountains, on which the woman sitteth.

          10 And there are seven kings: five are fallen, and one is, and the other is not yet come; and when he cometh, he must continue a short space.

          11 And the beast that was, and is not, even he is the eighth, and is of the seven, and goeth into perdition.

          12 And the ten horns which thou sawest are ten kings, which have received no kingdom as yet; but receive power as kings one hour with the beast.

          13 These have one mind, and shall give their power and strength unto the beast.

          14 These shall make war with the Lamb, and the Lamb shall overcome them: for he is Lord of lords, and King of kings: and they that are with him are called, and chosen, and faithful.

          15 And he saith unto me, The waters which thou sawest, where the whore sitteth, are peoples, and multitudes, and nations, and tongues.

          16 And the ten horns which thou sawest upon the beast, these shall hate the whore, and shall make her desolate and naked, and shall eat her flesh, and burn her with fire.

          17 For God hath put in their hearts to fulfil his will, and to agree, and give their kingdom unto the beast, until the words of God shall be fulfilled.

          18 And the woman which thou sawest is that great city, which reigneth over the kings of the earth. (KJV)”

          Here is a great quote on how to interpret this “it is always best to allow the Bible itself to interpret the meaning of the symbols it uses. If the immediate scriptural context does not provide the information needed for ascertaining the correct meaning of a symbol, then scriptural passages elsewhere will. Thus, when we try, for example, to decipher the meaning of the symbolism associated with the beast in Revelation 13, we find that the prophecies in Daniel give us much information that is essential to our understanding of the symbolism portrayed in Revelation 13.”

          As far as how this makes me feel? I could care less if the person is religious or government. I think it is stupid and unBiblical for anyway to try to say God will act in X time frame. We do not set the timeline and we were not given one. He comes when He is ready, plain and simple

          Quick website for your review;
          http://www.frankcaw.com/Seven-Headed-Beast.html

  • Kevin

    geez Jacob.. post a link and leave out the verbiage…

    “Noah’s Ark and creation and all of that show no idication that they are not literal so take them at face value.”

    yeah.. zero value. these little fairy tales and myths are completely useless for any historical insight.

    Perhasps they have much value as fairy tales for children, or just-so stories. There is some kernal of reality in it, just as do the stories found here:

    http://www.aesopfables.com/

    here we find “The Ass and the Lapdog.” better than the Noah story I think…

  • Kevin

    so you are a YEC? and you don’t accept evolution as a description of the diversity of life on earth?

  • Jacob

    Not familier with “YEC”. Young Earth Creationist? If so then mostly yes. I believe 6 day creation account. The only part I will say I am not sure on is the gap between Genises 1:1 and 1:2. Seems like God made the Earth void and formless and then some amount of unknown time passed before Creation began. I would lean towards that being a short period of time but I cant comitt either way. I do believe that it was void and formless until day one of the literal 6 days of creation. I do not accept macro evolution

  • Jacob

    Another problem with statements like “As people of the Book, we will see Your prophetic and apocalyptic proclamations fulfilled in our time” is the vast age variation in the house. There is an age range of around 50 years. Whose time are we talking about???

  • Kevin

    heh heh.. six 24 hours days? or can your “days” be billions of years?

    fyi there is no such thing as “macro” evolution… that’s something the YECs made up because its easy to see that evolution happens.

    are you into the YEC made-up terminology of “brahmins”, and “kinds?” and the whole fake careatino-science stuff?

    do you believe that man and dinosaurs lived at the same time?

    do you think that the pic of Jesus riding the dinosaur comes from a demented mind or is a realitic depiciton of an actual event?

    what about Adam? did he ride dinosaurs?

    re above, do you think that the original bible people each lived for hundreds if not thousands of years?

    • Jacob

      I see a couple of examples in the old testament that appear to be dinosaurs. I do believe that they lived at the same time and I think that the flood puts the pieces of that together along with the extreme ages we see prior to the flood. Are you familiar with the splitting of the waters in Geneses? A body above and below? Prior to the flood there was never rain. When it did come it wasn’t just rain. The atmosphere was wrapped in a body of water which served as protection and accounts for the long lives of OT people. This also applies to animals and I personally think explains the large size of dinosaurs. Many reptiles today grow through their entire lives. Imagine reptiles living a thousand years… Them being so large doesn’t seem so odd. When the atmosphere changed and lives shortened so did the lives of animals. They no longer get that large. This happened long before Jesus so yes; the idea of him riding one is ignorant. Could Adam ride one??? I don’t know. I have to assume that the answer is yes. There was no eating of meat at that point so there would be no fear of attack. And before the fall man and dinosaurs lived in harmony.

      When people mock they always seem to leave out one important factor, the sovereign power of God.

      Something else I would like to add as far as age of the Earth. I forgot to mention the second possible gap. We have no idea how long the time was between the 6 24 hour days of creation and the fall of Adam and Eve (unless I am missing something). We are giving Adams age but my understanding is that that count could have started after the fall, because why count before that? Just my thoughts on that subject

  • Kevin

    Jacob that is some crazy talk….you have got to be joking…

  • Kevin

    BUMP

    Jim, let’s have a post on YEC and Adam riding a dinosaur…

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