There was no announcement of it on the official government web site of Senator Max Baucus. The modest leader apparently thought it unseemly to brag about his accomplishment in confronting the crisis in holiday knick knacks that has rocked the United States to its core.
Oh, but let us not hesitate to give credit where credit is due. Behold, America, your savior – Max Baucus has saved us all from a shortage of foreign-made snow globes!
Yesterday, Senator Baucus brought two separate bills to the floor of the United States Senate to confront America’s snow globe emergency. First, Baucus presented S. 1826, a bill to suspend temporarily the duty on certain glass snow globes. Then, not content to leave a job half done, Baucus pulled S. 1829, a bill to suspend temporarily the duty on certain acrylic snow globes, out of his pocket.
Men stood with their mouths open. Women fainted. Children bought Max Baucus action figure dolls.
Of all the members of the United States Senate, only Max Baucus had the vision to address our nation’s greatest unmet need: An end to import tariffs on glass and acrylic snow globes that are manufactured in foreign factories. Just imagine what desperate measures Americans would be driven toward if they didn’t couldn’t buy foreign-made snow globes at lower prices than snow globes made in the USA.
Wait a minute… that doesn’t make sense. Why is the chair of the Senate Finance Committee introducing bills to help foreign snow globe manufacturers against their American competitors?