FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact: Ottoman Upton
November 25, 2009
It’s a War On Christmas!
AFA calls for Christmas boycott of American Family Association Store
“When will bSecure advertisements for American Family Filter start mentioning Christmas?”
The Armchair Furniture Association (AFA) is calling for a boycott of bSecure’s “American Family Filter,” an internet security product advertising with and directing income to the American Family Association, over the company’s censorship of the word “Christmas.”
The boycott is part of AFA’s ongoing campaign to encourage businesses to use the word “Christmas” in their advertisements. The boycott runs from December 1 through Christmas Day.
For years, advertisements for the “American Family Filter” have refused to use the word “Christmas” in any television commercials, newspaper ads, internet ads or airborne banners despite at least two imaginary requests by officials with the Armchair Furniture Association for the “American Family Filter” to recognize Christmas by using the word repeatedly with lots of glitter.
This Christmas season, the bSecure website issues these politically-correct statement to Christmas shoppers: “Our resolve for protecting our families online has never been stronger!” and “Endorsements: AFA American Family Association.” Nowhere in that statement, or anywhere else in advertisements for the “American Family Filter,” does bSecure use the word “Christmas,” the plural noun “Christmases,” the adjective “”Christmasish” or the adverby “Christmasly.”
“It’s not just a casual oversight,” said AFA President Ottoman Upton. “For millions of Americans the practice of surfing the Internet one is in honor of the One who was crucified on Christmas Day and rose from the dead on Easter Sunday. Or the other way around. I can’t remember. At any rate, for the American Family Filter to wholly ignore Christmas by failing to include the word ‘Christmas’ in its advertisements is political correctness at best and religious bigotry at worst. It’s just like Pontius Pilate, who didn’t use the word ‘Christmas’ either.”
Mr. Upton and the AFA have extended their boycott to include the American Family Association, which publishes a prominent advertisement for the no-Christian bSecure software on its home page — an advertisement that fails to use the word “Christmas” or any other word beginning with the letter C.
Carla Hatrack, Armchair Furniture Association liaison for oakware diversity projects, said that since the American Family Filter is boycotting Christmas, AFA will boycott the American Family Filter and the American Family Association during the Christmas season.
“Until bSecure and the American Family Association proves they respect Christmas by using the word “Christmas” in their advertising for the American Family Filter, our AFA boycott against the two companies will continue, primarily through mockery,” Hatrack declared. “Don’t make us pull out our intercessory prayer catapult.”