How I Survived The Weekend Without God
Barry C. Black is a government employee. He is the official priest of the United States Senate, and is paid to conduct religious rituals by American taxpayers, in spite of the First Amendment to the Constitution, which says that Congress isn’t supposed to do anything to establish religion.
Details, details, details. It seems that when it comes to matters of religion, the U.S. Senate’s priest doesn’t seem to be paying much attention to the details.
On Friday, Barry C. Black stood up in front of the Senate and conducted one of his religious rituals, a morning prayer in which he declared, “Our Father, we bow in Your sacred presence to acknowledge our need of You. We can do without many things, but without You we can’t live.”
We can’t live without the Christian god? Really? According to two separate studies this year, the American Religious Identification Survey and a survey by Gallup, fewer Americans than ever are Christians, and more Americans than ever identify themselves as non-religious.
Yet, they survive! How can this be so?
When I heard Barry C. Black’s pronouncement on Friday, I was scared. “I’m going to die,” I thought. But, Monday is here, and I’m still alive. Let’s document how I made it through a weekend without the Christian god.
– Friday evening: Fish sticks for dinner. Snuggled in with the wife for a movie
– Saturday morning: Made the kids pancakes and bacon for breakfast. Did yard work.
– Saturday afternoon: Nap. Got a solstice tree.
– Saturday evening: Watched a juggler at a winter festival. Decorated the tree.
– Sunday morning: Had doughnuts and coffee for breakfast. Read the news.
– Sunday afternoon: More yard work. Playing with the kids.
– Sunday evening: Watched a television show about dinosaur physiology. Fell asleep halfway through.
Follow my example, nonbelievers, and you may live to see another day. Eat doughnuts! Do yardwork! Dinosaur physiology! Hop to it!