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5 Congressional Predictions for a Political 2010

Just for kicks, here are my five political predictions for Congress in 2010:

1. The Defense of Marriage Act will not be repealed. After telling gay and lesbian Americans to wait for the passage of health care reform for the length of 2009, 2010 arrives as an election year. So “wait ’till next year” will trip off the tongues of “pragmatic” Democratic leaders again.

2. Legislation to create equity in sentencing for powder and crack cocaine will pass. The issue has been around long enough to lose its edge, and no powerful moneyed constitutency loses in its passage. Even the glitterati coke fiends of Hollywood are behind its passage, feeling guilty as they do about their powdered noses in cushy lofts. The Democrats will pass the bill to demonstrate that they care, with a significant minority of Republican senators and representatives joining in the vote to demonstrate to their moderate districts that they’re not Trent Franks Republicans.

3. After a temporary extension, expiring Patriot Act provisions will be approved in the late spring with no major reforms. The guy from Nigeria who lit himself on fire could have been an employee of Homeland Security, he’ll be such an effective stiffener of resolve against efforts to reinforce civil liberties.

4. The Guantanamo Bay detention facility will be closed with a solemn ceremony featuring solemn-looking politicians competing to put their eyebrows in the biggest creases. But none of the congressional leaders at those ceremonies will hold hearings that shed light on the other indefinite detention facilities the United States government operates.

5. As the year wanes, some jackass whose church holds a “Harvest Festival” in protest of Halloween will introduce a bill asking Americans everywhere to celebrate Christmas and recognize the God-given sanctity of national Baby Jesus Day.

Okay, that last one was too easy. But come December 31 2010, we’ll see whether those predictions have come to fruition.

Do you have five predictions you’re willing to offer about political shenanigans in the next year? Share ‘em in the comments section, and we’ll all hold each other to account after a spin ’round the sun.

10 comments to 5 Congressional Predictions for a Political 2010

  • Prediction for a climate change bill: The Senate will pass a bill, but it won’t contain cap and trade, and won’t have any substitute provision included in it either. The final climate bill to go to the White House won’t have cap and trade provisions, even though the House version did. The reason: Republicans came up with the catch phrase: “Cap and tax”.

  • 1. DOMA and the military’s “Don’t Tell” policies will not change.
    2. Cap & trade with offsets (plant a tree, burn a forest) will be passed but with the terms set so we’ll be lucky to stop increase of carbon emissions–Nevermind cutting emissions. It will be an obvious shell game and probably a windfall for financial institutions that will handle the trading aspect.
    3. Patriot act and illegal surveillance will continue until over 1 million people protest openly together in D.C. (can’t yet predict if a million of us will make time to visit).
    4. Covert operations and drone attacks will increase throughout Pakistan and Iran. Pakistan’s government will shift in a major way (could be good or bad) since it’s so complex and unstable. Possibly culminating in a rebranding of the American imperialist war effort in September where the many wars will again become one. “We have always been at war with Eurasia.”
    5. Israel will continue to expand settlements into occupied territory and will pick another neighbor to deploy their air force against for 4 weeks or so. Obama will say something like, “We wish you hadn’t done that, but we understand you can’t let your pilots get bored watching us blow things up.”

  • 6. The images of Jesus, Virgin Mary, and Treebeard will be seen in unlikely places.

  • Tom

    Since the financial/commercial aspect of “democracy” is so intertwined with politics, and since the environment is connected to (influences) everything else, i’ll offer the following:

    1. The economy will continue to shed jobs, foreclosures will increase, more small banks will be shuttered as “insolvent” (but the Too Big To Fail ones, which actually ARE insolvent will continue to be “bailed out” by “our” government at our expense).

    2. Obama will make more bi-partisan gestures which will end up embarrassing him (when the elections roll around) and the Republicans will continue to stonewall anything resembling progressive legislation of any kind.

    3. The elections won’t change anything for the betterment of “we the people”, while corporations will continue their dominance via paid politicians and lobbyists.

    4. The dollar will drop to all time lows against the other major currencies, China will finally get the picture that we’re not a very good bet, Treasuries will be near worthless and our “super-power” status will be in name only.

    5. More conflicts will erupt due to resources being depleted, food production and distribution will become more fragile, and water (or the lack of it) will become problematic in more places.

  • To rephrase my 4 & 5 from a more on-topic congressional perspective:
    4. The global war of terrorism will be fully funded with minimal oversight from congress.
    5. Israel’s aggressive actions will continue to be rewarded by congress with money, political support, and arms.

  • ramone

    wow! looks pretty grim. no hopeful predictions?
    i’ve got one
    michelle bachman will be defeated in minnesota. i can’t believe my neighbors will re-elect that dumb b…. female dog in heat.

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