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Kissing Joins Honey As A Homeland Security Threat

Yesterday, we learned that an entire California airport went into extreme security lockdown, and two airport security guards fainted and were rushed to the hospital because a man brought honey to the airport. Today, we’re learning that something even sweeter is also regarded as a threat to Homeland Security.

It turns out that Homeland Security launched into a full Code Orange Alert because a man wanted to kiss his honey. Seriously: That’s what a Newark airport security crisis turned out to be about in the end. A man walked the wrong way down a hallway because he wanted to kiss the woman he loves just one more time.

In spite of the discovery that the incident was completely harmless to anyone, except for possible contagion of the woman with cooties, politicians and pundits are still expressing outrage. Sure, they say, it was all just about a kiss, but do you know what could have happened? Do you realize what the consequences could have been?!?

By golly, yes, I understand the consequences. In this dry winter air, that man’s lips might have gotten chapped. Thank goodness the Department of Homeland Security is on the job, protecting us from this menace.

Seriously, when the government’s security measures result in a kiss being interpreted as a national emergency, a potential terrorist threat, it’s a sign that the obsession with security has gone much, much too far. I thought we were going to leave this nonsense behind when George W. Bush went back to Texas. I guess you can’t get the frightened smell of Texas out of the White House so easily.

2 comments to Kissing Joins Honey As A Homeland Security Threat

  • MadMike

    Of course, if the governments and media of the world continue to inflate the threat of terrorism to phenomenal levels, and run several weeks of extensive, dramatic coverage every time a confused young person sets their underwear on fire on an aeroplane, or is suspected of think about potentially doing so, there probably will be serious consequences.

    Next time, maybe the panicked reaction of the security guards will be to open fire on some hapless traveller who has been caught short and is running to the loo, or who wears a perfume which flags up as being composed of equal parts semtex and ammonium nitrate.

    Sadly the overinflated threats of something which no government will do anything about (as the only real solutions are to reverse their own psychotic foreign policies) will always provide useful distractions to the very real issues sat in the back yard.

  • Kevin

    I ahven’t flown in years because of this crap. I was just getting to the point of maybe flying to Jamaica for a little beach vakay…

    forget it.. I refuse. I have a house in the country I can drive to so I do that…

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