Spiritual Analysis Reveals There’s A Banger in Binger
Orthodox Rabbi Yehuda Levin of the Jews for Morality loves to mention that after he went to Columbia, South Carolina to pray for rain on August 7, 1986, it rained. He doesn’t like so much to mention that the day he prayed, it didn’t rain, or the day after that, or the day after that. I guess God has a lag time in response; perhaps Rabbi Levin should upgrade from his current dial-up connection. Some times the lag time is worse than others. Rabbi Yehuda Levin also doesn’t like so much to mention that when he went to Atlanta, Georgia to pray for rain to end a drought in November of 2007, the drought kept right on going and going, straight through 2008 and into 2009.
No, Rabbi Levin doesn’t let empiricism stop him; he just keeps right on going. Lately, he’s decided not only that he can start rainstorms, but also that he can read the will of God in… earthquakes:
Then there is the spiritual aspect of this, and the spiritual aspect is, some eleven years ago I appeared at a press conference approximately, eleven, uh, twelve or thirteen months before September 11, on the very day that New York City and Rudolph Guiliani were passing domestic partnership legislation on a city level, which is de facto homosexual marriage. And at that time, 30 rabbis stood on the steps of city hall and performed a ceremony, pleading with God not to visit his response on all the entire city of New York. We knew, based on our tradition, there would be a problem, and sure enough 13 months later we experienced 9-11.
Then there was the situation of the Days of Decadence followed in New Orleans by the tremendous flooding. We saw the underground earthquakes, otherwise known as the tsunami, and the damage that did half a world away, where there was much immorality and licentiousness.
And then recently we saw Haiti, which is certainly a hotbed of this type of licentiousness behavior of many types, and in particular AIDS, homosexuality. And once again, we’ve seen the problems.
And the way this works is very simple: God warns us. God warns in the Bible as early as Noah that this kind of misbehavior can lead to floods. It can lead to disasters. It can lead to buildings falling and earthquakes.
So that is our tradition. It is written in our Talmud, two thousand years ago, that because of the sin of homosexuality and the, er, um, uh, organized homosexuality, societal homosexuality, is, cause, brings about earthquakes.
Innocent people then get destroyed with the guilty people, just like when a bus driver drives a bus and goes over a ravine, innocent people are killed. We don’t hold this against God. These are the regulations.
You read that right: the New Orleans hurricane was the fault of the gays. The great Asian tsunami was the fault of the gays. And the massive earthquake in Haiti? Again, it’s the gays’ fault. Not God’s fault. No, no, God’s just following the regulations, see. For Yehuda Levin, earthquakes are God’s warning for men and women to stop dingling their dongles with other people who have the same kind of dongles.
If this is true, then it just stands to reason that the presence of earthquakes is an indicator of behavior meriting God’s warning. Where are all those immoral and licentious gays getting it on? Ask the U.S. Geological Survey!
Apparently, there’s a banger that’s been going on in Binger, Oklahoma. Enid, on the other hand, appears to be completely straight.