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House GOP Calls News Conference to Condemn News Conferences

Or, Republican Whip: Someone Shot at Me Too, but I Don’t Talk About That
Or, Eric Cantor: How Dare Democrats use Fear of Attacks as a Political Tactic? Stealers!
Or, Republican Leadership Outraged at Sleazy Democratic Tactic of Receiving Death Threats

Sometimes it’s just so hard to choose a headline.

Virginia Representative Eric Cantor, declaring Enough is Enough!How would you sum up in just one line the news that in the wake of vandalism, death threats, spitting, racist taunts, homophobic slurs and bricks slung at House Democrats, House GOP Whip Eric Cantor yesterday called a news conference and took to the microphone to denounce people talking about these attacks? Should the headline somehow contrast Eric Cantor’s constant ten-year media chatter about terrorist plots with his insistence yesterday that mentioning attacks against congressional Democrats would be a “reckless use” of “these incidents as media vehicles for political gain”? Do you note the oddity of the House GOP Whip calling a news conference to simultaneously share stories about being shot at and denounce his colleagues for doing the same? Where would you stick in the bit where Eric Cantor claimed “a bullet was shot through the window of my campaign office in Richmond this week,” when Richmond police explained that actually, it was a randomly fired bullet that went through the window of someone else’s office on the floor below?

Let me try one more time:

Cantor: I Got Shot at, so Shut Your Mouth or the Terrorists Will Get You

No, no, that’s not it either. How would you sum it all up?

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Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?

Fight the Republican beast!