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Kris Sickles: Warrior for Christ and Hookers for 3 Year Olds?

Something does not add up in the case of Kristopher “Kris” Sickles, the “Pale Horse” of the Hutaree Nine.

On the one hand, Kris Sickles is alleged to be a warrior for Christ. Although fundamentalist Christians are loudly complaining that the adjective “Christian” is being associated with the Hutaree group that allegedly made very specific and near-term plans to kill police officers, there’s good reason to use the adjective Christian. The group chose the name “Hutaree” because it means “Christian Warrior”. The Hutaree website proclaims that “We are to be Christian soldiers.” Its self-declared mission: “Preparing for the end time battles to keep the testimony of Jesus Christ alive.” The group declares itself to be the “armour of God” in the face of “the rise of the Anti-Christ.” If that’s not enough to convince you, how about the declaration, “We are an Independent unit, subject to GOD’s laws and guided by the testimony of JESUS!!!!!!”

Yes, the Hutarees put their Christianity at the center of what they do. That’s on the one hand.

On the other hand, the same Kris Sickles (see his photo upon capture here) is part of “Stoned Loser Productions,” a set of people who make online movies. Kris Sickles stars, for example, in Rick and Bob are dead. His character, named “Kris Sickles,” starts off the movie like this:

[Chad sits on the toilet and takes a hard crap. Kris Sickles pulls a gun on Chad while hiding in the shower.]

Kris Sickles: You son of a bitch!

Chad: Well, if it isn’t old Sergeant Hard-Nuts Kris Sickles!

Sickles: You remember me good.

Kristopher aka Kris Sickles in an online movie Rick and Bob are DeadChad: Yeah. I imagined I’d see you here some day!

Sickles: You still got it. Nice to see you, you old son of a bitch, you! Ha, ha. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. I got a kid now!

Chad: What? A kid? Where’d you find one of those? Come here, little feller! Yeah, that’s your uncle Chad. Hey, boy! Hey, you got a wide one!

Sickles: Let’s go get some hookers!

Kris Sickles holding up a young child and reading lines about getting him a prostituteChad: Who loves hookers? Oh yeah, you little man! Little man love hookers!

Sickles: I got him his first one when he was three!

Chad: Ha, ha. A late bloomer, huh?

Sickles: Hey, man.

Chad: Sergeant Sickles! Oh, man, I forgot my army handshake!

Sickles: Good deal. You crazy son of a bitch, man.

Chad: No, no, no. You, sir, are the crazy son of a bitch!

Sickles: That one time in Cambodia?

Chad: Ho, ho, ho!

Sickles: That was all you, brother!

Kris Sickles and Chad talking about old times and a mission in Rick and Bob are DeadChad: Who thought that much dynamite would fit in a pig’s ass?

Sickles: Ha, ha, ha, ha. We’ve got a few stories, brother. Let me fuckin’ tell ya!

Chad: Dark stories, but stories nonetheless.

Sickles: Stories that’ll make you wake up in a cold sweat at 3 in the morning and choke your wife because you swore she’s a VC prostitute!

Sickles: Listen, I’m gonna cut right to the chase! The general called.

Chad. No!

Sickles: I know what you’re gonna say!

Chad: Tell him no. I’m out.

Sickles: It doesn’t matter, OK? We’re still the best! They need the best! You know our old war buddies, Rick and Bob?

Chad: Yeah, Rick and Bob? How the fuck are they? Those warts on Rick’s dick ever clear up? Man, he called me like 15 years ago, he said, “Yeah, I got these warts on my dick!” And I was like…

Sickles: Rick and Bob are dead!

Chad: What?

Sickles: Rick and Bob are dead.

Chad: What’s the mission?

Sickles: We go to Egypt. We got to get the golden sphinx back from the Pharaoh. We get the golden sphinx, we kill a couple bad guys, and get the fuck out of town, OK?

Chad: What choice do I have?

Sickles: None at all. You know this is a suicide mission, Chad.

Chad: I’ve never planned to come back from any of our missions. Ever.

Sickles: Well, that’s an honorable approach. Don’t expect to come back from this one!

Chad: What time are we leaving?

Sickles follows this up with lines like, “Look at the Pyramids, son. They’re massive… just like your mother’s ass!”

Hutaree? Christian Warrior? Hooker for a three year old? Choke your wife? VC prostitute?

These don’t match. It could be that the dissonance is within the person of Kris Sickles and that he considers himself to be both a Christian Warrior to bring God’s Kingdom to Earth by killing cops for Christ and a guy who likes to put a preschooler on film and talk about getting him a hooker. There are a lot of people who live like that, and Sickles does display a preoccupation with Christianity elsewhere.

It could also be that Kris Sickles is, as his wife insists, no Christian Warrior. It could be that the feds have got the wrong guy. It’s happened before, many times.

It’ll be interesting to follow the trial, follow the evidence, and see whether Kris Sickles is really guilty of planning a cop killing spree… or just guilty of really bad taste.

15 comments to Kris Sickles: Warrior for Christ and Hookers for 3 Year Olds?

  • stats

    This is not the same guy you are calling Kris Sickles in the earlier post. The guy at the Dement Incarnate myspace site doesn’t look anything like this guy, nor does he look like anybody that was arrested.

    • Jim

      The guy at the Dement Incarnate myspace site with the long hair is not Kris Sickles, but this is. Kris Sickles did stuff with the Ohio militia. This Chad fella who he did the video with (but there’s no evidence of doing Hutaree stuff with) was also involved with the Ohio militia. Check Chad’s myspace page for confirmation.

  • Jessica

    This is Kris. I know him personally from Ohio. He’s apparently gotten a little crazier over the years, though none of this is surprising. He’s always had that “sense of humor”. A little disturbing. More or less he enjoys getting a rise out of people. Good work Kris :) Too bad he took it WAY too far this time and it’s landed him in jail. I feel bad for his kids.

    • Do you feel bad for the kids of the police officers that he planned to kill, or do you just count that as part of his wacky “sense of humor”?

      • I highly doubt Sickles was plotting anything with Hutaree.I had been following his activities as well as the Ohio Militia’s activities for quite some time before these arrests, as I am a resident of Ohio who supports our militia. As far as I could tell, the Ohio Militia had NO involvement with Hutaree as far as a partnership between the two organizations. As for Sickles, I believe he got caught up with the wrong people at the wrong time. If Sickles had contact with these individuals while they were under investigation, that’s all the Feds need to bring him in. As many of us forget, in this country you are GUILTY until proven INNOCENT, which is why they will keep a person locked up behind bars until their case goes to trial and they can prove without a doubt they are innocent of their charges.

        The video Sickles did is only being talked about to try to demonize his character. How many Hollywood companies also put out movies with raunchy and tasteless jokes? Yet we dont’ bash them, we just buy into their BS. Sickles didn’t use any type of taboo humor that hasn’t already been done by the likes of Miramax who puts out the Jay and Silent Bob movies. Get over the video, it was made to get a rise out of people and to be humorous on a level beyond most of your comprehensions.

        I believe Mr. Sickles will be cleared of these outlandish charges. Just because he may have had contact with Hutaree members while they were under investigation, doesn’t mean he was part of their organization or that he was conspiring with them. That would be like saying that I should be arrested because I viewed some of Hutaree’s YouTube videos 6 months ago and sent them messages and there’s a chance I was conspiring with them.

        • Jim

          Those hollywood studios don’t characterize themselves as Christian defenders of virtue against immoral Islamic and/or Satanic influence, like Sickles did certainly in other videos and allegedly in Hutaree activities.

          The only judgment I made in my post was to refer to his videos as in “bad taste.” Any other judgments you brought in to the reading of the post. If you think that a transcript of the video necessarily “bashes” Kris Sickles, then you’ll have to take that up with him. It’s his video.

        • Doubt is good. Presumption of innocence is good. Do you favor the same for Muslims accused of terrorism, or do you want them stuck in Guanatamo?

          There’s a distinction between the criminal charges, and the plain facts about Sickles and Hutaree which has been self-published on the Internet. Even if you take all the criminal charges away, Sickles and his Hutaree buddies come out looking sadistic and extremely unhinged.

      • Johnny

        Now for the kicker…Kris, although possibly not that bright, is an atheist. Always has been! This is the kind of crap that a Free and independent press should be telling you…instead they give us the party line that the prosecutors give them. Maybe the so-called “free press” should investigate before they start spouting crap.

        • Really, Johnny? Would you care to give me a source for that? I can’t find a single one. The only person who says this, anywhere on the entire Internet, is you, here.

          It confuses me, this idea of yours that Kris Sickles would join the Hutaree Christian militia, a group dedicated to the eventual founding of a Christian theocratic government to replace our secular democracy, and would kill people who refuse to believe in Christianity, when he’s an atheist.

          Are you just making it up?

  • Jessica

    This actually reminds me of a GWAR song Kris introduced me to back in the day called “Preschool Prostitute”.

  • Rusty Cuyler

    I grew up in the same town as Kris and I was very good friends with his younger brother. Kris always had a demented sense of humor and like Jessica said he enjoys getting a rise out of people. I never really pegged him as a Christian or even a religious guy so that surprised me quite a bit. I really think he just got involved with the wrong people. It’s a shame things went this far and hopefully he can get this taken care of and get home to his son.

  • Jim

    Kris will be cleared of all charges. I grew up with him and was roommates with him for a little while when we lived in seattle. Not to try and talk bad on my friend but he would tell anyone anything to sound cool or bad ass. The whole killing his cat thing to see if he could kill something that he cared about is crap. THe cat was 17+ yrs old was blind, deaf and had dementia. He didnt wanna get charged 100 dollars from the vet to put it down so did it himself. This was at least 2 yrs ago. Last time i talked to him about it he almost started crying again because he had the cat his whole life. While i agree that people change or have double lives this is not the case with kris. He will be cleared

  • What he told the undercover cop and what he told you were very different accounts of the same events, which means that Kris Sickles cannot be relied upon to be honest. How do you know it’s not you he was lying to?

    And what about the hookers for 3 year olds? Was the toddler blind and deaf with dementia?

  • K

    This is all very interesting to me. Kris has been my best friend since I was 13. I can honestly tell you that all of you are reading far to into this. Its kinda pathetic.

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