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An Unsmiling Presidential Candidate Against Satan

If you’ve grown weary of the repetition of the same old political stories over and over again by the corporate media, and you’re looking for a new narrative, I have a suggestion: Look to the presidential campaign of Mosheh Thezion, one of the first Republicans to declare a candidacy for the 2012 election season.

Say what you will about Mr. Thezion, but it’s clear that he’s an honest kind of politician. As he says, ” I will actually do what I say I’m going to do, and I say very clearly what I plan on doing, how I am going to do so, why I’m going to do it, and why you should and will be very happy that I was able to.”

Thezion’s honesty starts with his dour expression. He explains, “I don’t like having my picture taken, and I dont feel like smiling, but I do so, as part of my honest effort to help my fellow humankind, and not let personal weakness or frailty prevent my efforts. And since I run for office to fix the wrongness of our government and its many entrenched problems, I see no honest reason to smile, since the reason I am running for office, is because those in government today piss me off, due to their lack of vision, commitment, and lack of faith in doing the right thing.”

If you’re tired of politicians who engage in evasive doubletalk, Mosheh Thezion’s campaign web site will provide refreshing reading for you. Thezion has many interesting ideas which he introduces quite directly. Among these is his claim to have developed a “unifying field theory” during an early period in his life when, in order to escape the anguish of his unrequited love for a woman he now refers to as “Tonya the lesbian”, he sought to delve into the deepest scientific mysteries of the universe.

Thezion seeks to assure voters that he is not at all bizarre. “Many of you, may think of me as extremist, but I am not. I am old fashioned to be sure. But I recognize that no matter how you cherry coat it… how you dress it up.. and how you paint it… Progressive liberalism… is leading directly into the open adoption of basic Satanism.”

For the record, though I am a progressive liberal, I have never ever been cherry coated. It sounds like a yummy, though sticky, experience – even if it does lead directly into the open adoption of basic Satanism.

4 thoughts on “An Unsmiling Presidential Candidate Against Satan”

  1. veganrampage says:

    They always call you a lesbian if you won’t sleep with them, as if it is some type of insult. Typical jackass with a slight variation on the same old theme. Funny, so thanks. Hail Satan!

  2. Jojo says:

    Sounds like a closeted queer, nothing like those that hate themselves to hate others (this from a queer)…get over yourself dude, from those of us that want to actually change the world for the better. Yes, let’s keep doing what we have been for the last millenium, because its so successful…including the patriarchy. And, by the way, viel gluck with those electoral aspirations…I am sure there will be some resounding reverberations from some far fringe. Trust me, I am living in Central Asia in a very ‘traditional’ culture, and it is not working for them either.

  3. Mosheh Thezion says:

    These comments do not represent your readers very well.

    I stand by my platform, and if any of you have anything real to say, you may contact me easily to do so.

    I’m not hard to reach.

    -Mosheh Thezion

  4. Ralph says:

    On the contrary, these comments represent our readership very accurately.

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