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When Writing to Share God’s Judgment, Please Specify His Pestilence of Choice

Misty Blanchard Girl with a teddy bear animated gif sent to us in a piece of love mailsends an e-mail to us today with this chirpy li’l image on the side and an equally chirpy message of love and hope. “Why do groups like yours miss the point so drastically and start screaming discrimination and spout hate slogans and do nothing to educate those who come here illegally about citizenship?” Misty asks, and continues, “Shame on you and all like you! Gods judgement is on you and you will fall!”

I’d like to thank Misty for that little piece of love mail, but I have some constructive criticism to offer her and others like her looking into the future. If you are aware that I will fall, Misty, it would be helpful to indicate when and where this fall will take place. Putting away laundry? On a nasty patch of ice? Climbing Mount Kilimanjaro? Being just a little more specific could make all the difference in advance planning for this eventuality. In a similar vein, it is nice to know that God’s judgment is on me, but it would also be nice to know what sort of judgment that might be. Are we talking about a gaggle of geese, a few acres of frogs, a plague of locusts, a set of boils on my back, or just an underwhelming box of chocolates? It’s these little details that can make your missive oh-so much more memorable.

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Psst... what kind of person doesn't support pacifism?

Fight the Republican beast!