Bird Flu? That’s so 2005.
Swine flu? Two years past the post and no more or less dangerous than regular flu.
Satanic cults? Since 1987, they have gone completely underground, surfacing only on occasion to engage in ritualistic mass torture of algae.
I know that this year’s color is honeysuckle pink, but I have no idea what this year’s freakout fearfest might be. Malfunctioning Furbys? Nitrogen? What do you think?