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We All Live In A Gigantic Statue

We have all been taught, since we were very young, that we live on a planet, which is a great big ball that swings around the sun, moving through the vacuum of outer space. Today, I learned that it’s all a lie.

When I was out of the house this afternoon, representatives of the Jehovah’s Witnesses came by. They left some information inside my front door, and in that information was the map that you see here.

Yes, this is what the world really looks like. As you can see, the world we live in is not a great globe in outer space after all. It turns out that we all live inside a giant statue. That statue is next to an immense cosmic mountain, and, as this map proves, there’s a giant ball of fire headed straight towards us.

Britain is not across an ocean from us, as public school teachers instruct us to believe. This map establishes that Britain is right next to the United States, in the top of the feet of the statue. The city of Rome is relatively nearby, up in the knees. Far away, at the top of the statue, is Babylon. In the elbow of the statue is “Medo-Persia”. Then, I don’t mean to offend my Hellenistic friends, but the Greeks are all living in the butt of the statue. No wonder they’re rioting.

The map is sadly incomplete. Where is China? In the ankles? Where is Australia? In the stomach?

Something exciting I learned from this world map provided by the Jehovah’s Witnesses is that there is still some unexplored territory in Statue Earth. What’s in the big toe? Nobody knows.

I hereby propose an expedition to explore the big toe of the world, before that ball of fire comes and burns us all up. Will anybody else join me in this quest?

3 thoughts on “We All Live In A Gigantic Statue”

  1. Tom says:

    Check this out when you have a 1/2 hour (Nuclear Ginza 1995):

    http://cryptogon.com/

  2. bradlee spear says:

    This made me laugh out loud for the first time in a long time, I really needed that. Thanks.. just awesome.

  3. jackie grande says:

    Why is it funny?

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